From Conception to Fruition-Here & NOW

Below is an excerpt from some of my very recent journalling.
I've been trying to 'see' and understand the next step, so I can face this giant and move on! Trying to control the process perhaps LOL what a jokE! I get all flustered, and out of peace..it's obvious I only know one healthy state o function in and from ... HERE
Here.mp3
And now, I've written this intro, from after what I wrote below, so I see more clearly. And I believe I have found what I need to continue and maintain what is needed for things to move forward in the highest possible way for all. Another firm underpinning of insight. Nothing new...yet empowers with the freshness of new life. YUM!
The Great Wall
Hmm... this is the sense of “impenetrable” I find whenever I turn to go a certain way.
Instead of thinking of this as being a wall of resistance built from fear, I’m starting to take the view that it is a hemming in of my way brought about by wisdom’s guidance, if for no other reason than it will lead me by the swiftest path to the fruition of my desires. This may not change what I face, but it changes the face of what I see.
If I sit down to write because I think I should...NOTHING. ZILCH. Forced or lesser quality. Just doesn’t hit the mark...falls short. That’s the definition of ‘sin’. So maybe what I’m trying to do is ‘not of faith’ for “whatever is not of faith”-is sin. Hmmm...now this thought is REALLY interesting.
Same with drawing, same with singing and music...and the thing is it’s only like that when I’m doing it for the reason of feeling I “should”. UGH!!!
When I’m a naturally productive mode, it flows huge BUT IT’S ALL PART OF REAL LIFE. And I think this could be the crux of it. I don’t want to prepare messages. I want to deliver them in the moment. I have just WAaaaaaayyyy too much to try and cover if I try to do things logically and I become literally overwhelmed. But when faced with an opportunity or presented with a theme-I can run with that! It’s the principle of having structure to foster creativity. I can do it on a small scale, like I did with DIY blogs, and then compile them. And only for a season, in response to inspiration. I cannot IMPOSE the structure. But I’m better with a novel where life lessons are presented all out of linear logic and applied personally.
As soon as I get a good idea, I’m all excited but it goes nowhere. Nothing wrong with all my ideas! They’re awesome. And they’re endless! But I cannot seem to stay with them. They have the feeling of being 2 degrees off truth. I’ve thought that perhaps I’ve had fears to overcome and I’m sure I have. But thinking of them as fears to overcome makes it harder somehow. Whereas thinking of these ideas as directions that I’ve chosen as strategies to avoid the total commitment to the exact bearings for my life-this alters my take on it. This exposes them as diversions. And it makes me realise that it is utter futility to even try to succeed with a goal that was never 100% me.
When have I seriously never felt 2 degrees off-EVER?  When I’m connecting! With God , with people, with nature, with creativity...
I was born to worship. My life is about being one with God in conscious awareness.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
I am a responder, not an initiator.( The power of the Feminine)
My ministry in word, whether written or spoken, is a response to someone and their situation,  unless it is a story. My blogs are accounts of “Show’n’Tell”. They are my response to the life experience I’m having.
To try and write content with all the answers before I’ve been asked the questions...this I struggle with. There is no impetus in that for me. It’s theoretical-lacking the essence of life. I need to be working on the edge of the universal expansion where life is being created right NOW.
I am an addict of creation. :-)
I cannot make a generic self-help book that is good for all. I have to do a personal one. If that person shares it around, as people have with my letters, that’s fine but I can’t write it that way. I seem to need to write it TO someone, if I’m going to have decent quality to it.
I’m personal, like God.
And I need to be out responding to people.
The INSTANT I try to “initiate” something, I am out of sync with myself. This is definitely the matter.
Now, when I feel I am “waiting on God” this is not like waiting for a train to come. To “wait on God” is to minister to him, to give him my attention, to recount truths I’ve learnt from him, to ponder his nature etc.  And it is always a response to the love and grace and goodness I’m receiving from him. It is appreciation, gratitude, honour, respect, value, love and awe. Waiting on God is an active response...not a passive thumb twiddling exercise.
It is from this place of intimacy I intuitively receive insight, instruction and inspiration. (This is where the piano playing came from) And it is from this place that I must move forward. To shift gears is to fall out of sync and be that two degrees off again. It’s not like God gives me a plan whilst we’re communing and then says, “um take this out into the world with you and find a way to do it. I’ve given you the plan...you take it from here" Aah...no. lol
He says "here’s the plan". You look at it, look back at him, look at yourself, look back at him and say...”um, I think this was for Mother Theresa” or some other hero. “No,no, this is you, “ he says,  “but you can’t do it.[blank look]... Well, not without living Here. Constant intimate connection is the ONLY way.
Hence the song. Life in that place of connection is ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. And this thoroughly aligns with "Cherchez premierment le royaume et la justice de Dieu, et toutes ces choses vous seront donnee par-dessus."
"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you" This "wall" is Wisdom keeping me on the track of experiencing the fullness of this life I desire. Where God brings them to me instead of me chasing them.
And when asked, some time in the future, what I did to get from rags to riches, I will say...I believed God and like Abe, it was credited to me as righteousness( it aligned me). I gave all my energy to the "labour of entering into this rest of faith". :-)

Living In Love ( Agapeism)

Running Themes

I can look over my life right up till today and see various themes playing out. I can view the events and growth from the perspective of Truth/Lies, Love/Fear, Judgement/Righteousness  and so on.  I have experienced wonderful enablings and giftings and talents, known healings and miracles, given and received prophecies, wisdom and knowledge and enjoyed an intimacy with God that never fails to bring my heart into utter surrender-since I was a preschooler.

Where Everything Felt Right

I wanted to be so much ONE with God coz when I was in that conscious space, I could feel the freedom from all earthly concern. Even through all of these things, I've never enjoyed the reality of God/me in the way I am now. It was a dream and a desire and the goal of my life but one of those waaaayy too good to happen things beyond how good it felt and why would it happen for me, type deals.. and yet, I'd been the recipient of so much already.

When I divorced, I felt I'd disqualified myself. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was struggling to forgive myself for doing what I had allocated as the unforgivable sin for me ( what hogswallop!). I had failed MY expectations. A person can never fail by following their heart...it will lead them to their truth if they are willing to accept it as so and allow the growth. Living a lie and pretending to be happy is unacceptable.  So much better to "fail" authentically than to "succeed" as a fraud. We can find our true sense of worth the first way, but will despise ourselves for our own lack of integrity the latter way.

The ONLY Place that Felt Right...or felt TRUE

I have an INNER DRIVING for this authenticity that I cannot begin to explain. On the one hand I wish it on everyone, on the other, I know the journey it will mean. But once it has a hold of you, there is no peace but being on it-no matter where it leads you. And the reason it lives in me is coz I know I will never be content with a pseudo faith. I have to have the real thing. Otherwise I feel I would spend my whole life trying to protect my "archilles' heel", and this would end up taking over. My whole life would be built around the consciousness of that weakness. Shudder! What  a thought!

So, in keeping with current themes of Love/Fear...I've had so many lessons in this stuff. When I had a break down and suffered Alopecea ( stress induced baldness) fear was on the rise again in my life and threatened to engulf me. I remembered David and despaired of having the courage to run at this giant. I knew what to do, I even knew how but I still spent 3 and 1/2 yrs  (collected some incredible stories and personal experiences in the process) suffering with my "silent anguish". Till one day, I'd had enough and refused to accommodate fear any more. This is when I felt that courage begin to show and I had peace from then on, immersed in the truth. But 6 months in, a new bald spot appeared and none had grown over. I already knew I'd need to believe in the face of current conditions but to see more could've undone me. I wasted no time turning it around. Didn't reason, just turned back to the truth that had given me peace and decided I'd rather have that and be bald than the other way. But I was still focussed on wholeness..let the hair take care of itself. I said, "If I can do this, I can do anything". That's when God reminded me of David again and showed me my own courage at running at the fear giant.

Giant Slaying Faith

I passed through that hump in strength in one evening and powered on to a full head of hair ( took another 18 months for it all to grow back, but I had peace and joy and that "blessed assurance" all that time.) A pseudo faith just doesn't give you that! It cannot give you a ROCK to stand on.

I have committed and recommitted again and again to this process of LIVING free of fear. I've never stopped progressing but what I'm enjoying now is that which is what I once saw from afar and at times wondered if I could ever be: myself as the dwelling place of God, and God as my dwelling place. I live in Him and He lives in me.Not just as a theoretical truth, but reality...and the confidence this fusion brings.

This is my security. My fortress, my strong-tower, my refuge, my rock, my secret place, my garden of love and singing and worship. I just haven't been able to find that sense of intimacy and connection without seeing God as someone consciously separate that chooses oneness with me as I do with him. My God-self is different for me-that's my spirit.

Shameless Surrender =Glorious Success

Some speak of Source or God as that spirit part of themselves and if that works for them- great. But for me, I need to know that God is in love with me and that's why I can surrender my heart. My spirit, I know, is just like God and that is where we fuse and then flow as one through all extended parts of my being. 

For me, I need to be hid in someone bigger than myself. I need to be part of something bigger than myself. And the paradox of that is, I find a largeness and fullness I knew was there but couldn't access before.

This is what works for me :-) 

I am so excited and expectant of what lies ahead!

love to you all

No Luxury of A Second Opinion

Desperately Real


Many years ago, maybe  as many as 25, a preacher "spoke a word" of prophecy over me. He said  "Get desperately real with God, for you have phenomenal potential".
I already felt "desperately real" with God, making every effort with all my heart to stay consciously connected, deep in His presence and full of his truth.


What I've come to understand about a "prophetic word", when accurately delivered, is that is stays true and keeps on being true and applicable no matter the circumstances or passing of time on the human scale. 

(Me living one of my dreams)

And so today, I find myself, yet again, being reminded of this moment in my history and of my own heart's deep, deep desire to be so ONE with God that the hunger is almost painful. (and yet I wish this state upon all! lol) This "hunger" compels from a place of passion and purity within. "Deep calls to deep" the psalmist cries. ( Ps 42:7)


The key attribute of this state is a quality common to pretty much everyone, but rarely developed intentionally and where it has randomly excelled , is actually viewed as a 'disorder'. Not in my house. We're intentional with it...our Obsessive Compulsive Practises.
Yes, we've seen the down side to it, but we've also harnessed its power and applied it to be an "up" side.


Any addiction or obsession for anything or anyone is evidence of this ability. All it requires is a 100% focus on healthy content-then it will work miracles for anyone who uses it. The labour is in redirecting unruly thinking but this is entirely do-able. 


Entirely doable that is, once the commitment to "get desperate" with it is there.
W.H. Murray
Until one commits there is hesitancy, a chance to turn back, always ineffectiveness...
If you've "tried and failed", I can almost certainly guarantee it's because of lack of commitment. Somewhere along the way, you accepted a different outcome to the one you began with. You let your heart be swayed away from your goal. You were not fully persuaded which I why you were not fully committed.


Understanding The Plan
When a person commits to their dream ( Theirs alone. You cannot commit on behalf of another), there is NO plan B. The difficulty most face is determining their dream. Actually, that's not entirely true. At least, not by my experience. It is not the dream that is vague but the inability to believe it done that clouds the view.


Napoleon Hill said "Whatever the mind can conceive, and believe, the mind can achieve."
This wasn't a concept of his invention. This has been the law governing creation since God! He tapped into the knowledge of how this worked and gave his heart completely over to the process of believing it, so he could enjoy life on his own terms. He lived its truth, so he could deliver the truth with power.


With this belief as the underpinning of all he undertook he knew he could achieve anything he directed his mind toward, and proceeded to teach others likewise. Abraham in the book of Romans Chapter 4 ( from the Bible) is recorded as having done the same. The bible describes this faith as being equal to "righteousness". It is choosing to align oneself completely with universal truth.
This is Plan A and from what I can see, was the only part of the plan that was never negotiable-if you want to create the life of your desires. You will create your life regardless, but it will be chaotic and burdened with all manner of undesirable elements.


No Luxury of A Second Opinion


The most difficult aspect of living this lifestyle, for most people, seems to be the selling out of all other options. They reason with a logic akin to having a spare tyre...blow outs happen, we need a spare, a back up, insurance. There may be a relevant truth to this regarding a tyre that is material and wears out but this is not a characteristic of faith. 


And we are not left without the means to have faith. The bible says it is the gift of God and that "he has given to all ...the measure of faith". Jesus said with "faith as a mustard seed, we could move mountains" and that "anything is possible for him who believes". I want to live HERE. :-) 


What we have are counter beliefs and these throw our confidence around like a rag doll in a tempest. Once again though, we are not left without means to "fix" this. And we do it by "fixing" our hearts and minds on that which we desire. And you don't need to worry about whether God wants you to have it or not.  Romans 8 says he graciously gives us all things, all things are ours, all things pertaining to life (2Pet 1:3), every good and perfect gift from the Father of heavenly lights who does not change (Jam 1:17) And just to top it off, we are informed that God's gifts and his call are irrevocable ( Rom ) He NEVER takes them back. They are OURS to keep and do with whatever we will. So, that's settled.


As long as what we want brings no infringement on another's well being or freedom of choice, it is perfectly acceptable.
The real question here is, "Is what you want so important to you that you are willing to put everything into bringing it to fruition with regard to fully persuading your heart?" I'm not talking about doing the practical things like making a plan for your goal and following it. By all means do this too, if you wish...but FIRST become fully committed to the outcome.
Let your plan be built from this place of "Blessed Assurance" and let each step of the way be inspired action from that very same assurance. You will need it-this assurance.


If you are unsure about the way to establish your heart, I can help, but basically it is focussing your attention on the outcome and allowing yourself to believe it. When a contrary belief arises, immediately take the thought captive and bring it down by grasping the truth again. The truth that ministers to your heart and gives faith the ascendency. I have tons  of techniques that help here. The "double minded" receive nothing. You must discipline yourself to give energy and focus on that which you want. Sell out to the truth.


And finally, I'd like to leave you with the full quote of W.H. Murray and let this encourage you to commit.


Until one commits there is hesitancy, a chance to turn back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans. That the moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way, I have learned a deep respect for Goerthe’s couplets; “ whatever you can do, or dream you can do , begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

WH Murray. Himalayan Expedition 1951

Designer Faith

Designer Faith

Hey everyone! Great to be off to another exciting Designer week.
I feel like every day is so full of such tantalizing stuff, that I am overflowingly joyful and thankful. I find excitement in the most basic things, which brings me to this week’s focus: Designer Faith

Now, every so often, more often than not probably, I’m going to use words that some people will have all manner of mixed connotations attached to. It is never my intention to offend anyone. I accept everyone and whatever terminology they wish to use regarding their spirituality and the beliefs. Words, like life, are full of whatever we ascribe to them. Choose to ascribe well.

What is Designer Faith? Just ask any dog!

I’ve heard people say that dogs love humans unconditionally, but they are great with faith too. The two go hand in hand.
Now, when I arrive at the beach, it’s usually before the lifeguards have set up flags. In the earliest part of the day, doggies are allowed-on a leash, of course, but once the flags go up, these signs telling all the puppies to “Keep Out!” are erected too. No dogs near the bathers.
I kinda laughed to myself thinking about the fact that dog s don’t read. Nor, I venture, would they care. But there are repercussions if the message isn’t heeded.
The dog doesn’t concern himself with reading and/or obeying the signs...he just stays connected to his owner. He has absolutely NO FEAR or thought about where they’re going and as long as he’s with his owner, he doesn’t care.
Designer Faith is about staying consciously connected to the Creator within me, giving me absolute assurance that I am on the right path for me. Knowing I am loved, I learned to trust, and when I learnt trust, I began loving others-FEARLESSLY-Completely and unconditionally. Just like a dog.
Designer Faith for Life’s Essentials

I see Truth and Love in everything. I saw it in a seagull this morning.
It’s a bit hard to see, but this bird has found an apple core. How hard do you think that bird had to work to get that provision? Did sow the seed or grow the tree? Did it even pluck the fruit from the bough? No.

The bird just KNOWS it will have the sustenance it needs. “Consider the lilies of the field...” Nature presents us with the cues to follow. They are all around for those who ‘see’. When I’m consciously connected , I know my provision is certain. When I let my focus slip...then the conscious connection is broken, and stress, fear, doubt and lack are there, crouching by my door. I found my way into ever deepening understanding of these things because I had ‘reasons’ to feel afraid, but I hated the feeling s of fear and worry. I wanted to be free of them. I wanted to master the art of Abiding in God, and knowing the Power of the Universe lived inside me.

Sure, I slide in and out at times, but I am MUCH more often “in’ that place than ‘out’ of it, and here are some tips to help you learn this art too, and be free of the kind of mental torment that made my hair fall out!

And the best part? KNOWING “all things are mine”, gives me great confidence to jump at opportunities, and run at giants and boldness to claim my dreams-my Designer Life.

Designer Faith For Having Our Desires Fulfilled.

Once again, we can learn from the doggies around us. This Doggie is called Kane and when his owner, Ms J, takes him along the beach, they play with a thick stick. Once Ms J picks up the stick, the dog’s eyes never leave it. Kane’s gaze is FIRMLY FIXED on the object of his desire. NO distractions get his attention. He wants that stick. He doesn’t care about ANYthing else. And you can bet, he’s not entertaining for even a ‘split second’, the idea of NOT having that stick.
What do YOU want? How MUCH do you want it?
And don’t say ‘money’! That’s a cop out. Detail the life you feel money will make available to you.
How much time do you spend doubting your ability to achieve your dreams? It’s a massive energy leak. Focus all that energy on the already having of your desire-the home, the lifestyle, the travel. Become ‘obsessed’ in the best possible way, but do it from that place of connection where there is Joy and Peace and Love, rather than willpower, sheer grit and striving.

Life is only as hard as our resistance makes it. It’s as hard as we believe it has to be. It’s hard coz we think we DON’T-can't- have it.

An immediate way to improve things is to find reasons to be grateful and moments to take pleasure in. When you really do this, you align to Source. You connect. You FEEL better and you’ve begun to create something better. You also ‘see’ more clearly, and sometimes you feel prompted to take a certain action that becomes the pivotal turning point.

What “Designer Faith” means to me.
I love God.
I don’t think it matters what name you give, or don’t give, this Being. It is KNOWING the Being that counts.
“that which we call a rose...by any other name, would smell as sweet”...William Shakespeare.
God, no matter what you call him is glorious! Source is LOVE. The power of All-That-Is, the energy of all things, is LOVE. The Universe reeks of LOVE. My designer faith allows me to believe, touch, experience and savour this LOVE-In everything. It is in everything and everyone, as it is the very essence of all that we are-Energy

I feel like I’ve become an expert at extracting love from all around me in my life, through my Designer Faith. 

Emergence of Love's Full Bloom

The Proof is in the Pudding
This week I have had the enormous pleasure of grasping truths that I have long sought to master.

Many years ago, when I was 16 ( 3 decades!), I had to walk home to my mother's house in the dark. I was always terribly afraid, when I was young, of being abducted, raped...hurt etc. There were reasons why I had this fear, but I wanted to be free of it.

I didn't have to walk a long way, but it was late, and over a creek bridge, and past parkland. I wanted to run all the way, but as I went, I remembered a song I'd learnt as a 10 yr old. It went like this:
"If you know the Lord,
you need nobody else,
to see you through the darkest night.
You can walk alone.
You only need the Lord.
he'll keep you on the Road marked Right
Take time to pray, every day,
and when you're heading home, He'll show you the way.
if you know the Lord,
you need nobody else
to see the light, his wonderful light."

I guess you could say this became the theme of my life.

I always loved God. ALways talked to him, and heard him speak to me, from when I was really young. As I sang this song, I MADE myself walk. "If I believe really believe this. " i told myself, "then I don't have to run".

I still felt scared, but I SOOO wanted to believe.

LESSON LEARNT

The reason I bring this up here, is because I spent all those years, a little at a time, a layer at a time, working that faith through my entire psyche. My whole life has been about proving to myself that I really believe what I believe. I tested myself, over and over, pushed myself to prove to myself that I trusted the goodness of God. That I would give ALL believing, rather than accept fear and doubt.

I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to expand and be more than I am NOW...always.
I'm addicted to stretching and challenging myself to believe MORE, BIGGER, FURTHER.
I know it's all about LOVE. About Agape. "There is no fear in love, for perfect Love drives out fear".

I remember a moment, when I said "God, I just wanna be in love!" I wanted to feel alive and happy and exhilerated and passionate. Now, if you know me, you'd know that's how I live, but I needed a new level. I always need a new level. Always so hungry.
Not for anyone, or anything...from within, for God. For LOVE.
"Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God in him"
Being ONE with Source has been my conscious lifelong endeavour. God/Love is always the answer to every question for me.
I am a worshipper.
I am not 'religious', or 'pious' as most would think it, but I am devoted to being in total harmony with Source/the Universe/God, and I have known the sweetest place in his heart, in that state. I have felt so known and adored by God. Even so, it has taken me all this time, to come to a place, where I feel like I am working together with God, without resistence. I am empty of it. I see it now, and let it go.

It was a process of layers, recognising fear, and yeilding, and I didn't do as well as I wanted, coz I still felt the fear. Then , I discovered that I could cease resisting fear, and that has been the freedom I sought.

Understanding how resistence has played a part in perpetuating the things I so feared, or worried about,and then, learning to really 'read' the signs that revealed resistence for what it was, these have been golden lanterns on my path.

This whole exercise has been about being fully love.

For so long I have looked for this moment. For so long, I have wanted to BE where I am NOW.
And I'm not suggesting that my growth in any way is done, but this state of "righteousness", this state of KNowing I am ONE with God, and that all He is, is me, and all I am is him...this fullness that I now LIVE in (most of the time), it is my DREAM COME TRUE.

Everything that it makes available is well and good, and empowers me to minister these Truths much more effectively, but nothing compares, for me, to where I find myself with God and the worshipper's heart that I've known has exploded in a whole new way.
I'm in love...again...and even more deeply.