Below is an excerpt from some of my very recent journalling.
I've been trying to 'see' and understand the next step, so I can face this giant and move on! Trying to control the process perhaps LOL what a jokE! I get all flustered, and out of peace..it's obvious I only know one healthy state o function in and from ... HERE
Here.mp3
And now, I've written this intro, from after what I wrote below, so I see more clearly. And I believe I have found what I need to continue and maintain what is needed for things to move forward in the highest possible way for all. Another firm underpinning of insight. Nothing new...yet empowers with the freshness of new life. YUM!
The Great Wall
Hmm... this is the sense of “impenetrable” I find whenever I turn to go a certain way.
Instead of thinking of this as being a wall of resistance built from fear, I’m starting to take the view that it is a hemming in of my way brought about by wisdom’s guidance, if for no other reason than it will lead me by the swiftest path to the fruition of my desires. This may not change what I face, but it changes the face of what I see.
If I sit down to write because I think I should...NOTHING. ZILCH. Forced or lesser quality. Just doesn’t hit the mark...falls short. That’s the definition of ‘sin’. So maybe what I’m trying to do is ‘not of faith’ for “whatever is not of faith”-is sin. Hmmm...now this thought is REALLY interesting.
Same with drawing, same with singing and music...and the thing is it’s only like that when I’m doing it for the reason of feeling I “should”. UGH!!!
When I’m a naturally productive mode, it flows huge BUT IT’S ALL PART OF REAL LIFE. And I think this could be the crux of it. I don’t want to prepare messages. I want to deliver them in the moment. I have just WAaaaaaayyyy too much to try and cover if I try to do things logically and I become literally overwhelmed. But when faced with an opportunity or presented with a theme-I can run with that! It’s the principle of having structure to foster creativity. I can do it on a small scale, like I did with DIY blogs, and then compile them. And only for a season, in response to inspiration. I cannot IMPOSE the structure. But I’m better with a novel where life lessons are presented all out of linear logic and applied personally.
As soon as I get a good idea, I’m all excited but it goes nowhere. Nothing wrong with all my ideas! They’re awesome. And they’re endless! But I cannot seem to stay with them. They have the feeling of being 2 degrees off truth. I’ve thought that perhaps I’ve had fears to overcome and I’m sure I have. But thinking of them as fears to overcome makes it harder somehow. Whereas thinking of these ideas as directions that I’ve chosen as strategies to avoid the total commitment to the exact bearings for my life-this alters my take on it. This exposes them as diversions. And it makes me realise that it is utter futility to even try to succeed with a goal that was never 100% me.
When have I seriously never felt 2 degrees off-EVER? When I’m connecting! With God , with people, with nature, with creativity...
I was born to worship. My life is about being one with God in conscious awareness.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
I am a responder, not an initiator.( The power of the Feminine)
My ministry in word, whether written or spoken, is a response to someone and their situation, unless it is a story. My blogs are accounts of “Show’n’Tell”. They are my response to the life experience I’m having.
To try and write content with all the answers before I’ve been asked the questions...this I struggle with. There is no impetus in that for me. It’s theoretical-lacking the essence of life. I need to be working on the edge of the universal expansion where life is being created right NOW.
I am an addict of creation. :-)
I cannot make a generic self-help book that is good for all. I have to do a personal one. If that person shares it around, as people have with my letters, that’s fine but I can’t write it that way. I seem to need to write it TO someone, if I’m going to have decent quality to it.
I’m personal, like God.
And I need to be out responding to people.
The INSTANT I try to “initiate” something, I am out of sync with myself. This is definitely the matter.
Now, when I feel I am “waiting on God” this is not like waiting for a train to come. To “wait on God” is to minister to him, to give him my attention, to recount truths I’ve learnt from him, to ponder his nature etc. And it is always a response to the love and grace and goodness I’m receiving from him. It is appreciation, gratitude, honour, respect, value, love and awe. Waiting on God is an active response...not a passive thumb twiddling exercise.
It is from this place of intimacy I intuitively receive insight, instruction and inspiration. (This is where the piano playing came from) And it is from this place that I must move forward. To shift gears is to fall out of sync and be that two degrees off again. It’s not like God gives me a plan whilst we’re communing and then says, “um take this out into the world with you and find a way to do it. I’ve given you the plan...you take it from here" Aah...no. lol
He says "here’s the plan". You look at it, look back at him, look at yourself, look back at him and say...”um, I think this was for Mother Theresa” or some other hero. “No,no, this is you, “ he says, “but you can’t do it.[blank look]... Well, not without living Here. Constant intimate connection is the ONLY way.
Hence the song. Life in that place of connection is ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. And this thoroughly aligns with "Cherchez premierment le royaume et la justice de Dieu, et toutes ces choses vous seront donnee par-dessus."
"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you" This "wall" is Wisdom keeping me on the track of experiencing the fullness of this life I desire. Where God brings them to me instead of me chasing them.
And when asked, some time in the future, what I did to get from rags to riches, I will say...I believed God and like Abe, it was credited to me as righteousness( it aligned me). I gave all my energy to the "labour of entering into this rest of faith". :-)
I've been trying to 'see' and understand the next step, so I can face this giant and move on! Trying to control the process perhaps LOL what a jokE! I get all flustered, and out of peace..it's obvious I only know one healthy state o function in and from ... HERE
Here.mp3
And now, I've written this intro, from after what I wrote below, so I see more clearly. And I believe I have found what I need to continue and maintain what is needed for things to move forward in the highest possible way for all. Another firm underpinning of insight. Nothing new...yet empowers with the freshness of new life. YUM!
The Great Wall
Hmm... this is the sense of “impenetrable” I find whenever I turn to go a certain way.
Instead of thinking of this as being a wall of resistance built from fear, I’m starting to take the view that it is a hemming in of my way brought about by wisdom’s guidance, if for no other reason than it will lead me by the swiftest path to the fruition of my desires. This may not change what I face, but it changes the face of what I see.
If I sit down to write because I think I should...NOTHING. ZILCH. Forced or lesser quality. Just doesn’t hit the mark...falls short. That’s the definition of ‘sin’. So maybe what I’m trying to do is ‘not of faith’ for “whatever is not of faith”-is sin. Hmmm...now this thought is REALLY interesting.
Same with drawing, same with singing and music...and the thing is it’s only like that when I’m doing it for the reason of feeling I “should”. UGH!!!
When I’m a naturally productive mode, it flows huge BUT IT’S ALL PART OF REAL LIFE. And I think this could be the crux of it. I don’t want to prepare messages. I want to deliver them in the moment. I have just WAaaaaaayyyy too much to try and cover if I try to do things logically and I become literally overwhelmed. But when faced with an opportunity or presented with a theme-I can run with that! It’s the principle of having structure to foster creativity. I can do it on a small scale, like I did with DIY blogs, and then compile them. And only for a season, in response to inspiration. I cannot IMPOSE the structure. But I’m better with a novel where life lessons are presented all out of linear logic and applied personally.
As soon as I get a good idea, I’m all excited but it goes nowhere. Nothing wrong with all my ideas! They’re awesome. And they’re endless! But I cannot seem to stay with them. They have the feeling of being 2 degrees off truth. I’ve thought that perhaps I’ve had fears to overcome and I’m sure I have. But thinking of them as fears to overcome makes it harder somehow. Whereas thinking of these ideas as directions that I’ve chosen as strategies to avoid the total commitment to the exact bearings for my life-this alters my take on it. This exposes them as diversions. And it makes me realise that it is utter futility to even try to succeed with a goal that was never 100% me.
When have I seriously never felt 2 degrees off-EVER? When I’m connecting! With God , with people, with nature, with creativity...
I was born to worship. My life is about being one with God in conscious awareness.
I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
I am a responder, not an initiator.( The power of the Feminine)
My ministry in word, whether written or spoken, is a response to someone and their situation, unless it is a story. My blogs are accounts of “Show’n’Tell”. They are my response to the life experience I’m having.
To try and write content with all the answers before I’ve been asked the questions...this I struggle with. There is no impetus in that for me. It’s theoretical-lacking the essence of life. I need to be working on the edge of the universal expansion where life is being created right NOW.
I am an addict of creation. :-)
I cannot make a generic self-help book that is good for all. I have to do a personal one. If that person shares it around, as people have with my letters, that’s fine but I can’t write it that way. I seem to need to write it TO someone, if I’m going to have decent quality to it.
I’m personal, like God.
And I need to be out responding to people.
The INSTANT I try to “initiate” something, I am out of sync with myself. This is definitely the matter.
Now, when I feel I am “waiting on God” this is not like waiting for a train to come. To “wait on God” is to minister to him, to give him my attention, to recount truths I’ve learnt from him, to ponder his nature etc. And it is always a response to the love and grace and goodness I’m receiving from him. It is appreciation, gratitude, honour, respect, value, love and awe. Waiting on God is an active response...not a passive thumb twiddling exercise.
It is from this place of intimacy I intuitively receive insight, instruction and inspiration. (This is where the piano playing came from) And it is from this place that I must move forward. To shift gears is to fall out of sync and be that two degrees off again. It’s not like God gives me a plan whilst we’re communing and then says, “um take this out into the world with you and find a way to do it. I’ve given you the plan...you take it from here" Aah...no. lol
He says "here’s the plan". You look at it, look back at him, look at yourself, look back at him and say...”um, I think this was for Mother Theresa” or some other hero. “No,no, this is you, “ he says, “but you can’t do it.[blank look]... Well, not without living Here. Constant intimate connection is the ONLY way.
Hence the song. Life in that place of connection is ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. And this thoroughly aligns with "Cherchez premierment le royaume et la justice de Dieu, et toutes ces choses vous seront donnee par-dessus."
"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you" This "wall" is Wisdom keeping me on the track of experiencing the fullness of this life I desire. Where God brings them to me instead of me chasing them.
And when asked, some time in the future, what I did to get from rags to riches, I will say...I believed God and like Abe, it was credited to me as righteousness( it aligned me). I gave all my energy to the "labour of entering into this rest of faith". :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment