Emergence of Love's Full Bloom

The Proof is in the Pudding
This week I have had the enormous pleasure of grasping truths that I have long sought to master.

Many years ago, when I was 16 ( 3 decades!), I had to walk home to my mother's house in the dark. I was always terribly afraid, when I was young, of being abducted, raped...hurt etc. There were reasons why I had this fear, but I wanted to be free of it.

I didn't have to walk a long way, but it was late, and over a creek bridge, and past parkland. I wanted to run all the way, but as I went, I remembered a song I'd learnt as a 10 yr old. It went like this:
"If you know the Lord,
you need nobody else,
to see you through the darkest night.
You can walk alone.
You only need the Lord.
he'll keep you on the Road marked Right
Take time to pray, every day,
and when you're heading home, He'll show you the way.
if you know the Lord,
you need nobody else
to see the light, his wonderful light."

I guess you could say this became the theme of my life.

I always loved God. ALways talked to him, and heard him speak to me, from when I was really young. As I sang this song, I MADE myself walk. "If I believe really believe this. " i told myself, "then I don't have to run".

I still felt scared, but I SOOO wanted to believe.

LESSON LEARNT

The reason I bring this up here, is because I spent all those years, a little at a time, a layer at a time, working that faith through my entire psyche. My whole life has been about proving to myself that I really believe what I believe. I tested myself, over and over, pushed myself to prove to myself that I trusted the goodness of God. That I would give ALL believing, rather than accept fear and doubt.

I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to expand and be more than I am NOW...always.
I'm addicted to stretching and challenging myself to believe MORE, BIGGER, FURTHER.
I know it's all about LOVE. About Agape. "There is no fear in love, for perfect Love drives out fear".

I remember a moment, when I said "God, I just wanna be in love!" I wanted to feel alive and happy and exhilerated and passionate. Now, if you know me, you'd know that's how I live, but I needed a new level. I always need a new level. Always so hungry.
Not for anyone, or anything...from within, for God. For LOVE.
"Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God in him"
Being ONE with Source has been my conscious lifelong endeavour. God/Love is always the answer to every question for me.
I am a worshipper.
I am not 'religious', or 'pious' as most would think it, but I am devoted to being in total harmony with Source/the Universe/God, and I have known the sweetest place in his heart, in that state. I have felt so known and adored by God. Even so, it has taken me all this time, to come to a place, where I feel like I am working together with God, without resistence. I am empty of it. I see it now, and let it go.

It was a process of layers, recognising fear, and yeilding, and I didn't do as well as I wanted, coz I still felt the fear. Then , I discovered that I could cease resisting fear, and that has been the freedom I sought.

Understanding how resistence has played a part in perpetuating the things I so feared, or worried about,and then, learning to really 'read' the signs that revealed resistence for what it was, these have been golden lanterns on my path.

This whole exercise has been about being fully love.

For so long I have looked for this moment. For so long, I have wanted to BE where I am NOW.
And I'm not suggesting that my growth in any way is done, but this state of "righteousness", this state of KNowing I am ONE with God, and that all He is, is me, and all I am is him...this fullness that I now LIVE in (most of the time), it is my DREAM COME TRUE.

Everything that it makes available is well and good, and empowers me to minister these Truths much more effectively, but nothing compares, for me, to where I find myself with God and the worshipper's heart that I've known has exploded in a whole new way.
I'm in love...again...and even more deeply.