Light in the darkness-oct 08 blog reviewed

This is another significant blod to show my transition...

Hi again!
It's morning, and I have made some interesting progress through the dark stillness. (I call this "charlotte's portal" )

Just after midnight, and I woke up. I must have dozed off for a bit but awoke again shortly after and was unable to sleep, my head intensely bombarded with all the fiery darts of fear and financial anxiety. I could feel myself sinking deeper into the old, and all too familiar spiral, that literally drives the hair right out of my head! Like a floating orb that had crossd the 'event horizon' of a black hole,I was slipping away and I just didn't seem to be able to help myself.

EFT...the QUIET ACHIEVER

I sat up in bed, donned my iPod ear phones and listened to Napoleon Hill and a reading of Orison Swet Marden( both from Success magazine). Then I perfromed EFT on myself, but was so scattered in my thinking I could;t even coin a phrase! Focussing on the feeling is the issue anyway, and that' was NO trouble. I lay back down, feeling no different, but still couldn't sleep.

By this time it's 2 a.m., and I fall back on my faithful writing tool, which aids in the process of focussing my thoughts and intentions. I really AM a compulsive writer. I 'preach ' myelf happy.

Of course, I started out exploring the terrible way I was feeling-hopeless and so tired of being in this place again. I was infuriated with myself, coz I've known and expereinced so much, adn should be passed falling into this place. I could see the 'lack' i had let creep in and it was destroying all my joy.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT EFT

I looked up and saw a shooting star. Of course, I was immediately transported to thinking about how much I love seeing shooting stars, and how good God is for giving me one right then.
From there, without any thought, I just started to list some of the many things i love: to ponder, to share, to do, be, have and give.

I wrote pages and I let them fill me afresh with the joy of living.
I love EFT and how it goes to work like an anonymous fairy godmother when you've forgotten you've asked for help.
I see EFT as the most humble of God's healing tools. The way it works, you could 'miss it' and never give credit where credit is due, unless you're truly paying attention.

TURNING POINT

That's where things started to change. By the light of a tea light lantern, out on the balcony in the deep purple breeze, I found a better place to view things, and a major burden of the past few weeks lifted.

I wrote for half an hour, and went back to bed...but still not to sleep.
Only now, I was receiving GOOD things. Answers, insights and plans.
I wanted to get up and get started on them!

TRULY AWAKE
I finally dozed off at about 4:30 a.m., but you can bet, I did it as one awakened, no longer in the dark of a dimmed consciousness. i had gotten past it, throught it, over it, round it...it was gone and I knew what to do.

For the same time that I felt this weight, I felt God inside saying "follow Your Bliss...All things are yours". Any time I asked a question, this was my answer.

In each situation, where I felt blocked or challenged or frustrated, I simply chose NOT to focus on those , or complain, but turned my attention to what I DO want. I recognised these as merely distractions and potential excuses, and I'm done with those.

BEING THANKFUL FOR THE LITTLE

Also, I'd read recently to be thankful for ALL money that comes in , whether 5c pieces, or whether you think it's enough. I kept finding 5c pieces after that!! I thought about how when somebody bugs you to call them, then, when you do, they do nothing but complain, and so, you don;t really wanna call them again in a hurry. That's how I saw 'money'. When it came, I would inwardly despair that it wasn't enough, and would list all the reasons why not...and money just got tired of my lack of expressed appreciation in respect ot that whining!! ( works for me!)

I thanked God for the gifts in all the situations that were there for me, and for the faithfulness and consistency of the laws of the Universe, such as LOA, and how perfectly my expectations were carried out and became my reality. I praised the reliability of these wonderful Truths, and rejoiced in them.

And I gave thanks for the truth of 'multiple realities', and that at any moment in time, I could switch from experiencing one reality to another reality of my choosing. I chose to see a different possibility in the Sea of Possibilities, and BE my desires fulfilled...and then, I started to SEE the things that were mine.

I realised that I DO have what i need right now. I DON'T have lack, but had let the belief I did blind me to what was already mine.

INSPIRED ACTION

"follow your bliss". Not sure how, but somehow, the notion of giving myself a birthday present sprung up. As I do have a little immediate cash, and no need to pay an immediate bill, (and I get paid after that) I decided to FREE myself of even thinking about how to get money ( coz that sends the message of not having it...and then, that's what you get) One of the ways, I can easily forget about money, is to lose myself in my art, writing, music an dloved ones....and Follow my Bliss.

So, as it's my birthday, next Friday...a week away, I gave myself the gift of this SEVEN DAYS UP TO MY BIRTHDAY to let go of money concerns and feel the pleasure of true wealth by doing what I love. I felt immediately liberated! KNowing that I've set a boundary like this totally frees me from giving thought to anxious thought weeds, and gives the Universe soemthing better to manifest.

Dollar Notes or Love Notes

This is a blog I wrote about 19months ago, and it shows how my attitude to money changed...

Yesterday was another good day.
As I mentioned, I began it with all of you, and how inspiring that was.

MUSINGS
I have a few different ponderings I'd like to share with you today.
1.Sowing-Growing-Knowing.
When i practice a difficult part of a song, i feel like i get nowhere initially.
I persevere, coz in spite of what seems obvious,I know I will improve.
But there's a kind of time lapse thing, where it feels like you get nowhere for the longest time, then, one day, after not practicing for a week, I go back to the piano, and hey presto! I can do it!
You put the time in, you water(sow), the sun rises and sets, rises and sets(grow), then you find you HAVE BECOME ( know-experientially)

It's the same with the things I speak over and to myself, and now, EFT on. I can feel myself being nurtured by the faith in what I'm saying, but one day...you wake up and you SEE differently, and you can link the changes to the profound truths of what you've been focussing your attention on.

This is what I'm experiencing now-with Money and with being in my own successful business.
After I left my
"P.S." BLOG yesterday, I read this little book by Morgana Rae, that I'd downloaded. I almost fell over! Everything I'd just come through, was what she listed to do , in order to draw abundance into your life.

PERSONIFICATION
Relationship is everything to me...that's why I like to 'hang out with God consciously'

I should have realised it years ago. I personify and ascribe personality traits to everything in my life, out of this love of relationship. It definitely helps to appreciate and love something when you give it a name. And I name everything. My car, Rita, got pampered yesterday. This laptop is called "Peeta Poota". My plants all have names, even my clothesline did, and my piano. I love relationship and develop them with everything!!

SO, I'm a bit surprised to see it took me this long to realise that I'd been treating Money like the Predator in my life. Money has been the scapegoat of all that I'd encountered in men, through abuse and neglect, so I hated the fact that I couldn't live without it/him.He felt like an abusive pimp that took whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and sent me to do what I never wanted to do, in return for a meagre, 'never enough', no promises fulfilled guarantee. I had seen that I'd connected Money, the lack of it, as well as the manipulative power of it, to early memories and incidents that left deep welts inside. and I had traced a pattern of working-but-not-getting what I earnt, from that time on ( at 5). I had chronic fears of displeasing Money, but never realised that I had made him this monster.

A NEW FRIEND
In learning to be grateful for every cent, I was inviting Money back into my life, but as my Friend. In 'choosing to feel good about supporting myself through my own multi million dollar business, and committing to it, a new Money Portrait was forming.
Money wouldn't talk to me before, other than echo what I believed about the Tyrant version of him. It reminds me of the "Parable of the Talents and Minas" in the Bible, where Jesus quotes the Owner who had left varying amounts with his workers to make what they will of it. When he returned from his journey,the first two had doubled their investments. The last one, afraid and judgmental, was too scared to do anything, and so buried his to keep it and return it.
The Owner, began with "So YOU KNEW that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well, then , you should have..."The worker received the worst of his fears, The Owner had not been this Ogre to the others.It was the beleif and expectation the worker held of the Owner that coloured his picture so black and bleak.

I can so see, that this is how I've seen Money-a cruel, unfair, pschyzophrenic tyrant, who could never be trusted, and would take and exploit, then abandon you, until he felt like using you again. ANd you had to have him, so you do nothing but surrender to his works, and despise yourself for it. These weren't just beliefs ABOUT money-this has been my RELATIONSHIP WITH Money, and that's why I could never get him to hang around very long and any assoication with him led to worse conditions. A chronic, life long resentment of everything bad that I saw in the world, was attributed to Money.

VOICE IN THE NIGHT

But the other night, when I couldn't sleep and in my despair, Money came and spoke to me. Not only that, but I'd noticed when I thought about my business, I felt stirrings of warmth and endearment-something was changing-or had.I felt love toward my business, and all it could be for me, and through me in the world. I started to see it as the sweetest life gift I'd ever received-the place to fulfill all the potential of who I am and want to materialise.
Business and Money were inextricably linked ( I know that seems like stating the obvious-but, think of them as people) and what I thought of one, was being projected against the other as well.

I was terrified to succeed with Business, coz how would I keep my distance from Money?
So, with the fluid rearranging of my perspectives, came a wave of wonder and love and appreciation,and I entered
into a new relationship with Money, and found him to be the tangible, hands-on face of Wisdom, who is my matriarchal mentor and all that I adore and aspire to be. Her hands have been tied to assist me in fulness, due to my hatred of Money, and I must say, I actually experienced true and impacting feelings of remorse for judging Money this way. I had done him an immeasurable disservice, and myself in the process!

This was a genuine repentance-a real turn around and a dramatic milestone.
And that's when i knew, Money and I were gonna be best friends from now on.

DOLLAR NOTES OR LOVE NOTES?

So last night, whenI went to work, i received a $10 tip. When the man left it on my piano, whispering 'thank you', i didn't see the monetary value of this note...i saw the gesture of love from Money. The man was the one who delivered it, and I'm grateful to him for his part, but it was a love note from Money. There was no thought of currency worth, but a wave of self worth in feeling truly adored and cared for.

How's that for a change????

It was Money that has been saying "Follow Your Bliss". To take time off worrying about Money, is to demonstrate the new found trust in Him, and to spend time doing what I love is to BE WEALTHY.

So, to wrap up for now...here's a thought about perspective. What you focus on, GROWS. It will, if you let it, eventually take over your entire range of sight-everything. In Australia, we have this thing about 'BIG FRUIT'. We've got the Big Banana, Big Pineapple, Big Avocado...we even have a BIG MERINO (sheep, pictured above)

You can make anything BIG, BIGGER than anything or anyone, simply by giving it ALL your attention. And only you can determine if this magnification will be good or bad.
Money loves to be where He is appreciated.
HAve a BEAUTIFUL and groovy day! :-)

Thank You-Music Piece

We had a good night together! :-)

Studies in Conscious Creation Vol II

Studies In Conscious Creation Vol II- Motivation

**Disclaimer** In sharing elements of my story, I, in no way, desire to malign anyone in my family-or others. I see myself as the creator of my own experience, including the one I was born into. I judge no one, resent none, but sincerely love and appreciate all. Everyone is on their own journey. I also believe how I ‘saw/see’ my life experience is my own perspective and as such, subject to my own interpretation of the facts, and not a reflection on those who were part of my world .

Well, as the title suggests, I want to give some thought to those things that motivate us to move forward on our dreams and desires. On the flipside of that, I also want to look at what we hide behind and make our scapegoat for NOT moving ahead on them. And finally, explore the validating motivations we can fabricate to allow ourselves to be happy in the pursuit of our pleasures.

Of course, in this small space, I’ll only be opening the tins, rather than dragging all the worms out. I imagine they will wriggle out of their own accord...and once they do, there’s no putting that lid back on! LOL

I am going to use myself as my example-as I usually do. That’s because I really only know about me and whilst I am certain that I’m not the only one responds to things the way I do, I can only speak for myself. What follows are some of my conclusions regarding my own “methods of operation”.

Who Am I To Be Happy?

Without going into any longwinded details (just for a change! lol ), I will point out that my childhood circumstances were ideal for demonstrating contrast, so I would by default catapult desires for better. It is an automatic thing to want health in sickness. I wanted peace in the storm. I wanted an oasis in the chaos. I was only very young, when the change to my circumstances came.

My life and disposition were such that certain erroneous beliefs had been given great leave to seed and grow even by then. Thinking that I was the centre of anybody’s universe but mine was one of them. This was the way the stage was set when the opportunity to have my desire to be out of the environment came.

Here’s the thing: we get what we focus on. I got what I wanted, even tho it cost me dearly-the event ultimately splintering the family into chards. I loved my family more than anything, I thought-but obviously not more than myself. I had to be out of that place. It is this love for Self that has always come to my rescue. I guess you could say, from even way back then, as a very little girl, I saw that the only person I could save, was me.

I also saw that I was the only one who would.

So...in this instance, self preservation was the motive to have the something better I could see in my dreams. It was my motivation, and it made my dream my reality.

BUT here’s the thing. There were some in my immediate family who DIDN’T want to be out of that situation. I can only assume their fear and focus delivered a reality for them as well, and it played out in tumultuous ways for my brother. He blamed me, and said things that implied I had betrayed other family members. Not many years later, that brother killed himself. We were on good terms by then, by he’d had enough, and his words sowed a seed that took deep root, that for me having what I want would bring heart break to others that I loved.

Guilt for being happy accompanied me in the form of deep depression for many years, and a desperate loneliness that led me all sorts of places. I had no right to be happy when all my family were SO miserable. And they were!

Who am I to be happy when others suffer?

But once again, I left the environment that made it hard for me to be happy, and went out on my own. I had about $80-something dollars (my big inheritance! Lol) and a bowl , spoon and fork from my grandmother and an enrolment in Art School! Can naivety and desperation be viewed as gutz? Yes. I’ll give myself that J

Jumping ahead, events led then, to me becoming a mum .

Now, I had a REAL reason for making better choices. My babies were my unspoken justification for everything, including bringing out the very best in me. I was always fascinated with inner workings, but struggled with old patterns of behaviour in some areas, until I had my babies. My strong memories of early life were the guide for me. I never wanted them to feel the ‘bad’ feelings I’d had, or know the traumas I’d felt, but I did want them to know the deep love and appreciation I’d felt even in the midst, and how precious family are.

Being the kind of person that could teach and impart all the best things is all I cared about. I lived it from the heart before them, and was alone with them until they were 5 ½ and 4 ½.

Scenario after scenario played out in my life that confirmed my belief-that I could only have what I wanted at the expense of others’ dreams. Eventually, I slid comfortably into the role of false piouity that many know...that one of sacrifice.

Find and Be the Scapegoat

So, now we jumped way down the track and I’m married with five babies.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I lacked the wherewithal to do something constructive my life in my late teens. I did a year of Art School, found it too lax, and enrolled in a Fine Arts degree-filling in time coz I really didn’t know what to do with myself. If I hadn’t had such a compelling to recreate a family unit, perhaps I would have made something from there. Instead, I gladly had babies.

I still say it some of the finest work I’ve ever done! You will too, when you meet them!

I think I wanted that solid family unit behind me and it gave me great stability. I’d moved into my dream environment but in doing so, the old idea of having a happy family or my personal dreams came into play again. It was either/or again. This time, I chose ‘sacrifice’, so that I could continue to give my family what they needed to be happy.

None of these motivations are cut and dried. They all interlace and intertwine. I isolate them for identification’s sake, but all were simultaneously present to varying degrees. This one, of feeling the need to complete my commitment to my children has really stayed active to this day. With the youngest one approaching 18, the compelling to pursue my individual life has grown progressively stronger. I still feel a measure of responsibility to ‘take care’ of them and supply a home-which I do, but not so much now, that I can’t accept certain types of opportunities-if not all.

Thing is, I felt it had to be this way. I wanted to be mum until they had grown. My mothering and lifestyle have changed over the past 8 years of being single again, but I’m still basically PRESENT and in the home. A direct spin off from my childhood.

And here is the beautiful part, in the almost 30 years I’ve spent being a mother, I have finally become the person who is ready to live their own personal dreams, and I know it doesn’t have to make anyone miserable.

Today, I know nobody owes me anything, let alone to save me. And by extension, I have found the liberating counter truth of knowing I can ‘save’ no one either. If I am aligned to my dream, I will get it and the people around me will get their own version of reality according to their focus.

This brings me to my last point:

The Place of Altruism.

So...one of the ways that I found my dreams gained access to the ‘acceptable’ genre, was to somehow see them as “good for all”. I still wasn’t enough reason to have something. The only way I could protect the people I loved was to ensure that my desires had elements that were good for them too. That became the defining criteria for a long time.

But as with everything, who we are must surface. And I have always been such a lover of growth and deep spiritual connection, so that growth must come-no matter what! At times, it has broken through in great dramatic, and what some considered uncharacteristic, leaps sideways. I’d find a way to level the extremes, bring the pendulum back to centre, but still get fix of expansion. This put pressure on people around me to grow as well. Something, not always well received.

Getting back to “altruism”. It can be used either way, to support or to avert your dreams. But both are exercises in Ostrich-ism (that disease of sticking one’s head in the sand). The truth is MY dreams are mine and your dreams are yours... for YOU. Each one of those people we love has their own and- dare I say it?-apart from us! Do you want them to modify or sacrifice what would make them most happy for you??

What healthy person would?

Nor are you expected to do it! No one is. Not you, not me, not the people you love and wish would never leave.

But here’s the real danger, and my strongest point for this blog: In attempting to make your dream acceptable on any terms other than the fact that it makes you happy, is to move it away from its purest form, and once adulterated, it cannot lead to the place of pure joy. Nor leave the most empowering legacy.

That’s not the end of it. It’s not all over. Life is a never ending process of refinement...as are you, and I, and our respective dreams.

What I’m Aiming For

I think my dreams have reached their purest form, and my heart the cleanest state, when I recognise that I do what I do PURELY for the love of it. I do what I do out of SHEER PLEASURE.

I need no other motivation, nor any other validation. It’s not my job to fix, change or save anyone. What relief that is! I live simply to follow the compelling of my own heart to do that which I love. I don’t need any other reason. It doesn’t have to be marketable. My job in life is to find ever increasing degrees of freedom for these endeavours.

The exceedingly lovely by-product of putting all this energy on myself, is freedom. Freedom for me, freedom for others and the sweetest, purest legacy I could ever hope to leave with the planet-

The legacy of demonstrating the power of living one’s dreams.

This is the only life I’ve wanted to live and the only legacy I ever wished to leave for anyone.

DIy Designer Living -Studies IN Conscious Creation

Here's some of my story!

DIY Designer Living-Studies in Conscious Creation

Studies In Conscious Creation

Before anything can take a physical form, it needs to have existed as a concept in the imagination of someone. Our universe is created through thought waves converting energy from one form to another. Energy is the life force, and it has intelligence. I call it God, Source , Source Energy, Daddy God, the Universe. I like the term “lord”...because it feels Personal for me, and it really mean “I Am”.

My favourite is probably Source though, coz it makes it easy for people to understand their relationship with energy and Source-ONE. ALL ONE. Whilst I never felt alienated from God, I didn’t always feel the power of the connection. I always believed in it, but didn’t know how to clear the cobwebs that seemed to develop through my troubled teen years.

I use to sit at my window at night, look up at the stars, and say “I know you are talking to me, but I don’t know how to hear you.” (Sure got over that!)

It’s been my desire for as long as I can remember, to live my life the way that I believe I was designed to. Of course, over the years, I’ve gotten better and better at articulating that, but the desire has ALWAYS been a conscious preoccupation.

Years ago, I discovered some proverbs that read

“Through wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations,

By understanding, he set the heavens in place.

By his knowledge the mountains were created

And the clouds let drop their dew.” Pr 3:19-20

Then, I found this too...

“Through wisdom a house is built

Through understanding it is established.

By knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” Pr 24:3-4

Truly ,from that day I knew like I’d never know before that I could INDEED create my life the very same way God had created ALL that is, because I knew I had free access to all the wisdom, understanding and knowledge that I could ever want. This was well over 20 years ago.

I lay this foundation to show that my understanding and experience of everything that I share has been born from this connection I have with Source. I have been almost desperate to know myself as ONE with Source. I know what it is to be caught up in glory and know mysteries. Sometimes, I am so hungry for more, and so thirsty for filling, that I feel I will collapse from within.

But, my lover always comes. He comes when I am so faint with love and weak with desire. And he possesses me. We fuse as one and for a moment I am satiated. From that extreme conscious oneness, life comes forth with dizzying colour and sensory awakening. I am deeper, broader, longer, higher. It is this KNOWING that fuels all that I am, all that I do, and taught me how to create my life on purpose.

It is also because of the reality of this Connection that I am able to ‘release’ my vice like grip on the things I so wish to experience in my life. As with all things, it’s been a process, and the climate for mastery was nowhere near the supportive community it is now.

Today, people have a much ‘lighter’ and ‘brighter’ energy to ride. It’s easier to believe than it used to be, not only for the role models who went through decades of preparation for this time, but because the energy atmosphere is far more conducive through the Collective Consciousness toward illumination.

However, it is a time of contrasts. The dividing line between those who live in fear and those who choose to learn to trust love, will broaden, and with it, the contrasting lifestyles of lack and abundance, sickness and well being.

Now really is the time to learn how to fly with this.

Time to come out of the cocoon and into the light, stretch those wings and bring all your colour into the world.

So...do you know what you want?

Do you know what lights your fire?

I really would like to help, but I need feed back to offer the best advice to develop awareness...not only of what You want, but also of how you’ve already created your current life experience.

How would you like me to help you?

DIY Designer Beauty

use life's experiences to release the beauty within.

Thanks for watching. :-)