Staying Open-the 'What's In it For me?' Deal

Sometimes, the hardest thing you will ever be faced with is the demand that organic life places upon us all to remain open. A closed womb can accept no seed, nor bear any life.

It comes naturally to us- to be open. It's inherent in our nature, but as we go along in life, various thing can occur and we can get our fingers burnt, our hearts bruised, our hopes smashed and our dreams broken.

It's right about then that you REALLY need to stay open. Ok...maybe I should I.

Taking a Leaf out of Nature's book...or maybe a trunk

I love, absolutely LOVE, visual metaphor. One of my "favouritist" places is a chunk of Rainforest atop Burleigh Head, and when I go there with my camera, I am truly in another world. I lose myself so completely,so effortlessly and oh, so blissfully. I see 'into' things, 'beyond' things and 'through' things...and all these 'things' I see whisper back truths of ancient knowing that only creatures like trees and seas can know.

I see myself. A timely insight. I know it's just what I need, because it is the message that comes.

I looked at this trunk and the hole into the hollow of its core. I pondered whether this was a 'good' or 'bad' thing. An open wound or a functioning orifice. It was a clean opening. It didn't look 'broken'. I'm sure many living creatures had ventured in and found shelter as needed. How did it serve the tree, other than allow the tree the serve others?

As is frequently the case, judgement on a matter is often relative. This gaping hole, apparently organic in every way, still looked odd in its own right, but 'normal' in light of what was beside it.

Now, this hole, although 'whole' in that it was closed over, like an old, scarred wound...this hole didn't look 'good' to my eye. It looked like the other hole, gone wrong.

It looked like an opening that no longer wanted to be open and had to work contrary to its organic way to shut down.

It looked gnarled, twisted, tormented and well barricaded, from within and deformed. What happened here?

I stood there, meserized, much to the surprise of passers-by, I'm sure! Switching from opening to the other, and 'feeling' more than hearing what they spoke to me.

In light of my morning meditation, today, this set of photos seems to speak even more clearly to me. The clear opening was vulnerable-all its guts exposed and accessible, and I'm almost certain there'd be things inside that tree that had no place being there, pushed in thoughtlessly, carelessly. Even so, I'm equally sure that the creatures that made a home in there, would have found resourceful ways to recycle that stuff too! Because that is what ORGANIC LIFE does.

Even with abuse, this hole stayed open, clean, functional, non scarred and life nurturing.

The Second hole had the appearance of one that had 'taken offence' to being treated that way, shutting down to the abuse, but at what cost? It lost the capacity to be of certain use in shutting down to the possibility of abuse. Not only was it not able to 'serve' others through its life, it became all mangled in its own form. I relate to the second hole as being ruled by the "what's in it for me?" question, and in not finding a desirable answer, decided it would have none of it!

ALL ONE LOVE ENERGY FIELD

And here's the interesting part...these holes are right beside each other, part of the same

tree trunk. We are all ONE! We are all connected. My guts are YOUR guts. When I shut down to you, I shut down to ME. When I shelter you, I am safe. When I leave you in the cold, I am alienated. Whatever I see in you, is but my own reflection-whether beauty or fear,love or judgement.

My heart is like the hole in the tree. It has undergone many piercings, and suffered several breaches, but if I close it down, I cannot function at all.The wind cannot breathe its song through me ( and I live for the Song of the Wind reverberating through my being!), nor the sparrow lay its young, and I so delight in the freshness of new life .

NOt only that, but ALL That Is knows how to make GOOD of all the abuse as well-using it resourcefully to benefit others maigically.

In a shut down place, I cannot even sleep without nightmares-ever afraid of forced or uninvited entry, further distorting my authentic nature with fear, through resistance to phantoms!

Staying open is about turning the "what's in it for me?' into "YOU are what's in it for me". To see You grow, expand, thrive, LIVE...that's what's in it for me. To deny you access to my heart, to all that I am is to deny myself. And I just can't live that way.

How does the hole serve the tree, but to allow it to serve others? How does my heart serve the WHOLE but to allow its LOVE to serve others through me? I would rather DIE than shut down, because in physical death I expand into all. I would rather DIE than stop believing I can be all I desire in this life through enriching the lives of others.

I don't want to TAKE. I don't want to EXTRACT under duress, peoples' favour, money, time, faith.I want to give...and in giving, receive rare and beautiful treasures of every kind.

I refuse to compete. I choose to create. I allow myself to be an incubator of life, and with all that I am I desire to remain ever open to love and be loved.

So, yeah...that's where my head is today. Please don't interpret this as being about going through life with nothing...it is exactly the opposite!

Lisa :-)

You KNOW I could turn this into a kids' story!

I even wonder if the second hole only developed because the first one shut down. This is what the abundant Universe does. This fantastic giving Universe just makes more wherever it's needed. If one shuts down, another opens...but that's another story!

Draw A very Special Christmas this year!

Even tho it can be hard to know where to focus your attention at times, I still really like being able to do lots of different things...coz they all enrich and give back to me...and others, in very different ways.
And sometimes...I just want to draw!

What is CTT?

Creative Thinking Technology-or...CTT

Creative-inspired, imaginative, inventive artistic, ingenious, productive, innovative, resourceful

Thinking-philosophy, idea, accepted wisdom, opinion, view, judgment, assessment, belief

Technology-skill, knowledge, expertise, know-how, equipment, machinery, tools.

Creative Thinking Technology, or CTT, is a program model that I have put designed, using various manifold Arts based practices to help people become familiar with certain types of right brain thinking processes.

Once a process of thinking is identified, the idea is then to practice and habituate the use of it through ‘creative engagement’ in as many multi-sensory ways as possible, and with as much pleasure as possible (the subconscious is impacted through connecting information and strong emotion).

The purpose of this is TWO FOLD:

If a person allows time for the creative process and play, their lives are immediately enriched in ways that are difficult to describe. It just feels GOOD to create! We are creators, by decision or by default-but it feels SO, SO GOOD to be so on purpose. We remember and deeply hold to moments in which we invest our heart creatively. Things MEAN more. We live MORE passionately. We are happier.

In beginning to grow and develop in that ‘Intentional Creativity’, as triggered by my workshops, a person’s mind (conscious and other than conscious) is progressively opened... Things start to change.

Not only is every day, and each activity given a heightened sense of appreciation, but appropriately habituating these processes means that when a life circumstance or desire requires their unique function, whether for fun or otherwise, the mind is readied to respond-with openness, willingness, a sense of joyful challenge, confidence and competence, knowing it can generate ideas, solutions, options and alternatives.

In short, the two greatest benefits are:

1. Makes Life WAY more fun and

2. Anything is possible-limited thinking slowly starts to breaks down and we begin to come alive with our dreams again...and all in a very organic fashion-just as we all did before we were taught not to.

Creative Thinking Technology (CTT) is my baby, brought about through literally my lifetime of personal research, experimentation and observation.

At present, these workshops are the way I present concepts and deliver matching experiences. They are not the limit to my plans. They are the starting place.

Creative-inspired, imaginative, inventive artistic, ingenious, productive, innovative, resourceful

Thinking-philosophy, idea, accepted wisdom, opinion, view, judgment, assessment, belief

Technology-skill, knowledge, expertise, know-how, equipment, machinery, tools.

CTT is my innovative and, I believe, inspired application of a deeply held belief that we are designed for, and most happy when, intentionally co-creating with Source, and doing so through the artistic tools which easily access the know-how of mind mechanics and provide experientially pleasurable opportunities for well practiced skills.

In my opinion, CTT is like a scientific theory or a maths formula.

A great bonus of my CTT model is that you don’t have to understand psychology to use it. You don’t have to be academic, or be able to explain it. All you need to do is engage in it wholeheartedly...have fun with it, and these activities/games will do the rest.

My Week In Review

hi all!I was having so much fun uploading photos yesterday (on Facebook), that I thought I'd do a week in review, snapshot style here too.
One of the absolute, greatest, most fantastic aspects of documenting life this way is that you get to relive the pleasure of all the good stuff, over and over and over again.But the other thing I discovered too, is that in knowing I want to document something, I actually invest a whole lot MORE enthusiasm into it as well. In my head, every experience is constantly being narrated, like a story, for someone else to be able to enjoy with me. To ignite their imaginations, stir their desires,and generate ideas for manufacturing their own versions to tell.
Because I'm imagining the re-telling of my story as I go, I get so much more involvede and engage on a much deeper level...and here's the beauty of life. Nothing makes me feel MORE ALIVE than being FULLY IN THE MOMENT! And digital technology has made it so much easier to do so, this way...and fro the "Show'n'Tell" later.
I have been a compulsive journaller-CHRONIC even, for as long as I can remember. I have MANY MANY journals, and of various types and natures. being so visual as well, I used to add doodles and diagrams to some, but that's been made so much easier with technology too. Still, i like the rawness and readiness of sketched things as well.
I have been SO fascinated with this practice,and so in love with doing it,I always felt it held a key to my future. I love making books, from scratch. I love telling stories in unorthodox ways, through wooden puzzles, ceramic pieces, quilts, a list of objects. ANYTHING, EVERYTHING
But I feel today like I've re-discovered something within myself with a gusto and GUTZ that have not before been equalled.An inferno has somehow been rekindled.
LIFE IN THE FIRE
And the hilarious part is, it looks just like ordinary life! I feel almost a bit hysterical with joy!For years, I've had people tell me that my life is so intersting, so creative, so fun. But, me dear, it's all in the telling!!It's all in the focus.If I went to the tropics and spoke of the beauty and serenity, the resonance i felt with lush rainforest and placid waters, I create one impression. If recounted the incessant bug biting, the massive spiders, the crocodiles and the sleezy Real estate dude...you'd get another.
IT'S ALL IN THE TELLING
Tell yourself the story you WANT TO HEAR.
I had some hard and pressing moments this week. Some frustrating and difficult moments...but look at what else there was!
Sunday:

This was a wonderfully pleasant 4 and 1/2 hours. I hadn't seen this guy for 29 years!!Lunch on the deck over thelake with my friends playing music, a walk thru the rainforest on Burleigh head. COffee right on at the beach at Mermaids, and mineral...AND hot water. can you believe we both like drinking hot water?It was lovely!Monday-dealt with some nitty gritty "YuKS" that came up thru having so much fun and wanting MORE, and getting frustarted wih myself for feeling like such a loser, coz I couldn't see enough progress fast enough. That was the 'loser' part really-my focus!!! So short sighted! but it led to the idea of designing myself "A Month in the Life of Lisa". Whenever I get grumpy about how things seem, I ask myself what it would take RIGHT NOW, for me to feel better. The answer is usually pretty simple, and usually AVAILABLE ALLTHINGS ARE MINEI felt SO rotten monday, even my kids were worried about me! But whilst at work, making calls, I got caught up in whatit would take to feel better, and thought about how I'd want a typical week to be...but then realised, a week isn't enough, coz i like LOTS of variety, so it's better to design a month.And MAN! something clicked powerfully!I was out of my doledrums as victim and actively CREATING again. All the lights went on, and my heart got busy!I made myself a 'template' of a month, and filled it with things to support every area of desire: Business/family/lover/recreationa and travel...and LOTS of opportunity for "Show'n'Tell"-my 'downtime' processing.then , I immediately started to enter those things that I felt I could do..even in part..and I tell you-the WORLD OPENED UP TO ME! Again...and I remembered...
CHOOSE YOUR EXPERIENCES
Remember, I've said that we can design MOMENTS. We can only live NOW, and the power of creation is in NOW.
GOD! I love this understanding and what it brings forth. I started filling my ongoing calendar with my desired NOWS.And those NOWS started to come in!!!I specifically wanted a roundedness of expereinces-across the board of life. Not just my business, and 'trying to make money', which was beginning to feel like it was wearing me out, coz i was striving in it. I do pretty well, but it can be so easy to sliude back into "ruts" of thinking.In this way, my calendar is a god send! Bringing balance and intention to my focus every day!So Monday was another exciting, life impacting day!!! :-)
Tuesday
My friend, CArol and I did something a bit different and went to Burleigh for coffee at 6:30 am! She was coming off a night shift, and I was entering another day...full of creative enthusiasm for my calendar, and thinking about the specialnmess of having a unique time to share with my friend as part of it.
MOMENTS...life is made up of Moments. And they are RARE and BEAUTIFUL treasures, if we tell their story right!We had two hours there, then she wwent home, and went about fulfilling my desires, via my calendar. I planned all week to spend today making up a magnificent, full colour detail version! It fed me all week.And I had the agant from the Crowne call with four more dates...just as I'd entered it in my calendar!
Of course, I went to work and made calls, and this creative endeavour kept me awake in between!
WednesdayWas overjoyed realising that I had the next two nights singing, instead of making calls, as result of my creative exploits. I say this with totoal conviction and absolute certainty, 'there is SO much CREATIVE POWER in designing NOWS'...the specifics of it, and the manifestation of it...exhilerating!!man, i am high and flying by now!
Thursday
SO, this evening I sing for the opening of a Bridal/evening wear store. I get paid, but I was also given a dress!! And on top of that, I sold three CDs. As part of my calendar 'month by design' I've given myself set hours to be uninterrupted and get work done on my workshops outlines, and related material-Business stuff. SO, I am feeling generally, much less frazzled.

Friday
I awoke SOOOOOOO happy that I could do EVERYTHING I wanted to do for My OWN life and business. And i realised it was the Second day in a row, and both those days make me more money than working for someone else. more than Double!! On both days.Still inspired with my calendar, and what it's done has filled with me with ideas for ways to highlight my week with Moments that are special and shared, fun and diverse. I decided I'd go to garage sales on saturday, as I hadn't since being back here (a year), and knew, even with only $10, I could have fun. It went into the calendar, and I followed my plan for the work I wanted to be doing that day.
Then I went to work at the Crowne, played the grand piano again...which has been in my focus and thinking. I feel grounded and earthed when I play piano. I don't get that with keyboards, or digital pianos. I need the earth percussion of timber and tactile stuff!! Oohhhh!! LOVE IT!
Went to bed, knowing I would have ANOTHER day to fill with my own designed pleasure. Does it get any better?(I will say...irritating thoughts like mosquitos, come incessantly, but as with my tropical illustration...it's the story I tell myself and the focus I keep, that matters)
Saturday
What a great day! Rache did the driving, and we took Matt to the Skatepark. En route back, we find a garage sale ( happens to be Matt's mate's place!) Stop in and I buy a small glass/timber lantern, and a wrought iron lamp. They were $5 each, and I should've bargained, but silly me, forgot! However, didn't feel like enough, so we drove around and did a full circle trying to find another...which was around the corner from the 1st!! Rache needs the driving practice anyway! And as I had change n my wallet, I allowed myself that leniency to continue to buy.This place was a great stop and I bought LOTS of stuff: 3 different types of books, to use for creative expression, lots of candles and holders, another really unique ashtray, and of course, my garage sale staple, a chunly wooden box with hinged lid...all for a total of $3.90!! I was ecstatic. ANd now, I could go home satisified :-).

I'd already planned some house work, as yet another attempt to clear away the residual dust of many dust storms, plus the landlord wanted to bring some prospectove buyers thru. As I vacuumed, I made the conscious decision not to rush. I didn't have to get anywhere fast, or finish so I could do anything else sooner. I decided JUST tobe in the moment. I vacuumed the three levels of my tower, mopped the tiles on every level, and also did some dusting and washing.
As i did all this, the idea of doing something with the things I'd bought occurred to me. That way, I'd fill the part of my calendar that was about family time, and put ADDED value to the experience of having something new to play with. i went to the store, bought vegs and chicken, came home, and cut and pared and planned. All the time soooooooo feeling GOOOOOD!

here's the 'floral salad" i made. I figured, as my kids were out and I had a rare time to 'play' and that we hardly ever get a nice 'sit down together' dinner any more, coz I'm working, it was a good time to do something special, and different and surprising.I spent the whole day knowing I would document it, and I had a BALL! From the moment I said I was gonna go to a garage sale and since...I've been narrating my life to and for anyone that wants to share it...coz I just have to share it!
So we had our Dinner:Garage Sale Style ...and if you go to my Facebook, you can get all the details...http://www.facebook.com/lisahshahcoz as I documented, I realised how much of all we were using had been acquired at previous garage sales!!This added even more to the moment for me!Seriously, the pleasure I gleaned from the day made it worth a year in my mind...gold
"thru wisdom a house is built,by understanding it is establishedby knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures...." yeah. :-)
but just to get you started...

ANd now...it's time fo rme to get started on SUNDAY! YAY!Play with my BIG version of my calendarhave an AWESOME day!!

Weighty Matters

This was taken at Binna Burra-atop a neighbouring mountain, where I sang last week.
Just thought I'd share that, and this,

It was at this point, when Rachel and I got caught up in looking into the hollow "big Foot", where we were left behind...lost the guide and teh whole group that were walking with us! But Boy did we have fun!

My Daughter Rachel has a very special gift. She makes you laugh. Even when you're angry, and grumpy, and don't wanna laugh...you will. It is a VERY spiritually special gift!

More on Rachel another time...

So! Weight...and Body Image Issues.
Now, not everyone reading this will have body image issues the way that I have had, but if you have a weight condition that you're not happy with, somewhere, I suggest, you may find a lurking "SELF" image issue...adn they're not that different.

TWO LINES OF SEEING

ALL my life I've had two ways of viewing myself. Through the eyes of God/Source( as I understandhim/it),and through the eyes of MEN(as I understood themto be).
And I don't mean humanity-I mean MEN.
These views are about as different as contrary in their focus as they could be, in almost everyway.
Funnily enough both are concerned with
desirability
intimacy
beauty
value....
but where the first acknowledges all these from the eternal perspective of Love
the latter measured them from the transient view of superficial and physical layers.

EARLY INDOCTRINATING-setting the context

Early incidents helped me to learn these 'ways of seeing'. And I gues you could say the contrast provided for me, in my younger days created an INTENSE hunger in me to know the full and true versions of these more base experiences.

I found, in my conscious coonnection with God, all that I desired to find in an intimate relationship encounter with a man. I KNEW God adored me, coz I knew He saw the real me,and was always with me, in conscious connection for as far back as I remember. And I didn't need to change a thing to be perfect for him. IN feeling understood perfectly, I fetl LOVED utterly.

There was NO OTHER person, who came into my life, that stayed there. Everyone I loved was taken away from me, or I from them, at one point or another from the time I was 3. The only reason I mention these things, is coz I can see how they've contributed to my stepping into new levels of wanting to find a partner...and what has surfaced as a result.

GOLD SPORTSCAR-PERSONAL ALCHEMY

I mentioned once before, that I don't believe I am held back any more, by anything in my history. I still beleive this. I don't believe anything canstop me from fulfilling my intention, but in entering into "virgin" territory, things come up...they are not crippling, or fatal, but they do require addressing.

I see this year, as the first year of moving beyond my history. Beyond the level playing field that it took this long for me to get to. That's the GOLD-lesson complete. but in stepping on new ground, there's a TON of opportunities that present that give me the perfect platform to try out all my new healthy being!! :-)

PERSONAL SUCCESS-As in pertaining to BUSINESS/VOCATION

When I committed to this-several 'ideals' popped up for review almost instantly, in the form of having to take decisive action. These ideals were largely concerned with the 'judgment' and 'opinion' of others...or more,accurately, what I expected to encounter as those.

Basically, it came down to...do i wanna stay where I am, acceptable and approved in mixing with those I feel would judge me for choosing success, or do I want something different in my life?
I want something different.I committed COMPLETELY to something different.
From that point on, old viewpoints just came up and bowed out! That simply!!

Now, it might not look like I'm talking weight and body issues here, but for me these things are all tied into the same pivotal LIFE IMPACTING events i refer to earlier. So as one is addressed, the other reflects the same-they run parallel for me.

That's why in CHallenge #3, the Universe was able to address personal success through 'inspired INaction' on the body/weight issues. This time, it's been the other way round.

The outcome of the Success eventually leads to abundance in the form of material gain, the outcome of the other eventually leads to abundance in the form of deep lasting love with a partner. I already have extremely fantastic relationships of every other kind in my personal circle, but I've not managed to ever create my desire with a partner...saving the best for last...the icing for the cake! ;-)

TWO VIEWS REVISITED

So...with recent online and local network expansion I have grasped a far BETTER way of understanding my two viewpoints. Because of the increasing profile, I've started to experience, in larger amounts, the differetn types of attention both views bring...and this has brought UNSPEAKABLE FREEDOM, BLISSFUL JOY, AND INSIGHT INTO MUCH BETTER HANDLING.

Althought everything about me wanted to attract a partner/soul mate who'd love me like God does, I was still assessing myself from the view of MEN. I was still trying to be OUTWARDLY on their terms, what I knew was inside.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not slutty or immodest, or any such thing, but I was measuring my acceptability as a partner for the kind of man I DIDN'T WANT!

This was in the EXACT SAME WAY that I had been trying to be successful, by staying acceptable to what I thought the unsuccessful wanted.

...ALWAYS INEFFECTIVENESS...

God! this short phrase has enormous ache in it for me, but also knew it held a great key. I could feel the pain and comfort of rubbing a healing wound in these words from Murray's quote. I kept oscillating from one view to the other, attracting all the attention that I wanted, only for it leave, wordlessly, like people in my childhood...I could be so easily discarded and forgotten...( always conscious of getting exactly according to my vibration)
All the EFT I had started doing in getting into success, because I was so frustrated brought up and cleared the remaining stuff of the moment. I had one BIG BAD day, and from then, it's been GREAT.
But EFT on this latest experience just kept bringing up-anger, frustration, deep disappoinment...and then just plain HURT. When I hit the hurt phase, I was pretty shocked. I knew this wasn't about specific people in my life now...they were simply helping to unearth the way to change my vibration.

Once the hurt came up, and with it the intention to NEVER do this to myself again, so too, did the glorious insights that led me to understand why I had been and didn't need to any more. I an almost perfectly mirrored process to the 'success' in business situation, previous perspectives and choices came up, and fell away.

ALL THE TIME I KNOW AND COMPLETELY ACCEPT THAT ALL THAT IS IN MY LIFE IS THERE BY MY INVITATION. This gut opening conviction is the most wonderful, all empowering, heart swelling gift in my life.
If i could give anything to anyone it wold be this! If I have given anything to my children...it is this.

If I don't want it, it is as simple as withdrawing the invitation.
And all that takes is a COMMITTED decision to invite that which I DO want.

That decision will bring up ALL that has been in your way, in terms of vibrational discord.

My advice here: BE WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT

TO TIE IT ALL TOGETHER

So, as you may know, my weight has been slowly decreasing. Nothing miraculous, other than the fact, it has involved NO diets/regimes etc-merely intentional, conscious, vibrational alignment....and that journey has been fascinating.

BUT the joy that has come now is this: I have completely 'let go' of the conflicting view that was forever tethering me back to the place of LACK , in money and love.
I have seen that, in holding onto those desires for acceptance with those I didn't want, I was sacrficing the richness of what I really DID want.
I felt that I could 'lead' people out of one and into another...but it has to be done from BEING THERE. Leading by example...not by doing the same. I can't help anybody be or do anything, other than love completely and unconditionally, whilst stayong TRUE to my own authenticity. My fears made good use of this 'piouty'! lol

What is SOOOO good is reflected in this small blessing that comes when I get dressed in the morning, or pass a mirror, or a window. The sheer burden of constantly feeling that you must 'look' a certain way, that has been with my all my days, has lifted, I now I can float, knowing that the ones who 'care' about how I 'look' don't matter at all-COZ THEY'RE NOT THE ONES I WANT TO ATTRACT. The ones who I felt judged me by their own sabotaging perceptions don't matter-COZ THEY'RE NOT THE ONES I WANT IN MY WORLD EITHER.

I've spent my life trying to get the acclaim and attention of the ones I don't want!
NOT ONLY THAT...and here's the clincher!!! I GOT IT!-but it led to misery. COZ IT WASN'T THE TYPE OF ATTENTION I WANTED. IT was the type I thought I had to have in order to be happy, acceptable, desirable and valued. but it did the opposite, coz it wasn't based on who I AM.

LAYERS OPENING LIKE A BLOSSOMING FLOWER

Over the years, I've degrees of freedom, and being more comfortable wiht myself and my body. I loved and appreciated it's health and youthful vitality. But have been so harsh on myself about it from that perspective. This conflict is no more. I so love my body..like I love God. I so cherish it as the magnificent masterpiece that it is, and I only care to attract others who think likewise...and that is from within, not without.

Due to the depth of contrast in my life, I have come to a place of extreme and deep acceptance. I understand the two views now, as one that comes with the "public profile" and the one that is the "private person". They're not 'good' or 'bad', but fit in different places of appropriate priority for me. I had them all mixed up together, and was doling priority to the 'public' that should only ever be given to the private, whose regard for me, is love, not gain.
This gives me one harmonious, integrated view
BLISS

I have found the blissful place of NOT CARING-in the healthiest possible way.
It's been a dream of mine to go to the beach and not have a single thought of what anyone would think of how I look...good or bad. I know now, that even when what I hear is 'good', it is still entrapment for me. I've had years of being told the 'good' and still felt BAD. In wanting to hear the 'good' I was asking to for the quality of attention I DIDN"T want...to things external.

I remember the freedom I felt, when fell in love with God afresh, and realised for the first time, that I had gone 20 WHOLE MINUTES without thinking of food! I called that conscious connection my "healthiest preoccupation".
The warning bells of obsession that sound loudly and EARLY in my being whenever I find myself not able to CONTROL my thinking, are the outcome of having lived through addictions and nervous breakdowns and baldness and so many fears.

Degrees of freedom are wonderful, each layer an entry into heaven itself...but on going depth of freedom in to ever increasing glory is not to missed!

I have never been MISERABLE through out all of this. I am FASCINATED by it all! I'm highlighting the points that mark contrast, and bring the upheaval of matters. And I do this, so you, the reader, can appreciate the level of liberty that can be known. The more bound I've been, the more phenomenally FREE I am become!

If you have EVER felt SO bound, constricted, frustrated...you name it-then the level of the contrast sets the experience of the greater outcome...it's Time To Fly.
I used to have nightmares of being pregnant in a cave and not being to get out due to the swelling belly. As years went by, the dreams started to change and I coud give brith,and then get out, with my baby...if I had to...
Or i'd find a way out, and I'd be free.

"The greatest tragedy of my life, was the idea that I would leave this planet with my song unsung and my vision still in my belly...buried alive." THIS HAS SPURRED ME ON THRU EVERYTHING. I once said "Im' not waiting for someone else to discover me! I'm gonna dig myself up!" and that's what I've been doing.

Having come out of the cave, the only thing I want to do is LIVE, and breathe fire on that same intention for anyone else who doesn't want to be buried alive, but wants to live in the light.

BOTTOM LINE

I am no longer vibrating on the frequency that will attract lovers of a superficial nature. I know I will encounter people of the "public perspective', more and more as my dreams come to fuller fruition, and I know how to filter that attention appropriately and not have any attachment to it-keeping that frequency where I want it.

Now, I know and expect the kind of attention I really want, and that will be fulfilment for me AND my partner, and joy to my family, especially my babies, who have longed to see me content in a partnership.

I hope this brings even a fraction of my great pleasure in it, to you.
be Severely BLESSED!

lisa

Glenn's Song

Song Lyrics following:
I found out what
I’ve been missing
All this time been thinking I had to
Go it alone

Then I saw you and a
Kind of reminiscing
Filled my heart with knowing that I
had you here
all along

Chorus:
That’s when I saw you as my family
Found you as my friends
Strength through our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel this loneliness again
Verse 2
Time after time, after
Being last in line
I thought I had to find, a way to
Rely on myself

But I reached out and found
There’s oh so many around
And to my heart they bound, to be there
Whenever I call.........for Help
Chorus:
That’s when I found you as family
Found you as my friends
Strength in our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel this loneliness again

BRIDGE
One tribe, one in unity
What could ever break these bonds we know?
One heart, a heart that can’t be broken
Coz we are family
We are true friends
Strength through our community never ends....
Never ends. (key change)

One voice, one in energy
What could ever break these bonds we know?
One heart, a heart that can’t be broken
Coz we are family
And we are true friends
Strength through our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel that loneliness again.

EFT-My Faithful Knight

NOOSA JAZZ FESTIVAL-Another dream fuilfilled

This shot was one taken in the afternoon gig at the yacht club where everything is pretty casual.
ANd I think I was actually singing one of my Originals, Time To Fly-which happens to be the absolute theme of my life, at present.

This trip and all it encompassed kind of represented a type of "coming of age" for me. It's taken a fair chunk of time, and a lengthy process to get me back to the place where I really believe. "Believe what?" you may well ask, but basically, believe whatever I want, to be in my life and world. The fruition of the whole "gold sportscar' and personal alchemy of the soul. I had never 'given up', but had somewhere over the years, let the certainty go, so it ever remained distant. I made progress, but the dreams never came to ultimate fruition, just tastes and teases, coz I needed to grasp that commitment and certainty back again.

DECIDING WHAT YOU WANT

At the risk of sounding cliched, this is the beginning of everything.
Five years ago, I decided to commit to music in a new way. now, I never stopped singing or performing in all my years, but I kept going through cycles of success and ebbing success. The pattern became more and more painfully obvious, and I carried the same pattern into the speaking too. As soon as I started to do well, I'd slide.

Success came easily, sustaining it became impossible, because a part of me dug their heels in so deep to resist, 'success' and all the things I beleived it was going to turn me into...it was as if I was afraid I would become my Money Monster (see challenge#2).

And that same spiral struck in recent months BUT with a twist.

GOODBYE WILDERNESS

What I really committed to five years ago, was to live authentically in the area of my dreams, and not go for a lesser plan. I'd know that I'd chickened out, and I could never live with myself. I really committed to me. To living FULLY. This is when i wrote that song Time to Fly. I committed to taking the leap into space and to my own success, even if the people I knew would judge me...and I discovered that was a GREAT concern.

The crazy part is that whilst I was experiencing an increasing 'tightness' in my material world, and money seemingly repelled instead of attracted, I was gaining great momentum in online wealth, in the form of amazing connections and opportunities. I was seeing fantasic alliances coming forth out of my efforts to network, via energy first. really good,and incredibly exciting , and expansive stuff!! And my creativity with music has started blossom with fresh zeal and life.

My circumstances however, were looming gradually darker, and I was becoming so frustrated trying to understand how to change it.
A favourite quote kept coming to mind, that begins with this:
"Until one commits, there is hesitancy, a chance to turn back, always ineffectiveness..." ( from WH Murray, and the Himalayan Expedition) I KNEW in my deepest core that this was a key for me.

I decided it was time for another commitment. To get past this barrier to my own success once and for all. I had this image of the Universe doing everything possible to take me into success and abundance, my I was dragging the chain. I knew I was all the source of all resistance.

So I committed to getting rid of the resistance. I had bills closing in on me, and was starting to feel panic rise at the thought of spending money...not all the time, but enough indicators to know I needed to avert future hair loss through stress ( literally). I know the signs.

I was really pleased with the growth I had seen to date in feeling confident, but when that first twinge of guilt came over living the life I choose, the assurance also started to refelct accordingly, and it has been a steady application to get that back.

IT CAME WITH THE COMMITMENT.
And what made it possible for me to carry out and follow through on that commitment?
EFT

I can't make it BIG enough or BOLD enough. I committed to getting my vibration back into full alignment, and get my heels out of the sand. My life is a PERFECT reflection...this is the gift of every day. And such a gift!

INTENSE APPLICATION

That just means I did a lot of it. And I did it at every opportunity where I felt stray thoughts and unwelcome feelings come. I used Brad Yates U tube Videos, and I also used his two teleseminars that I have of him with Bob Doyle.

On top of that ,where needed, I did my own. I often do my own...but I was seriously targetting a trouble spot-
and that trouble spot shot back. The first day, I felt WORSE than before, but I know this doesn't mean it's not working, rather that this area on a deeper level, is being affected.

The second day was great...and every day since, has been great.

MY confidence and assurance that all will provided, returned. My comfortableness with performance and promotion came back. A way to deal with the as yet unchanged circumstances appeared. I could see differently, and felt excellent about it. A way was made.
Instead of panic, I had peace.

EFT got my heels out of the sand,and kept my head from going there. And it feels GOOD.

ANOTHER ASPECT

Along with all this , the desire to not be alone has been flaring up with raging intensity. It could be that I was looking for comfort or support or provision from someone, or just sheer relief/distraction. I got frustarted with myself over this too, declared once more in writing, what I want and let it go.

Mere days later, on the first day of Spring, I am met by a guy on MySpace, who DIDN"T say, "this is what I want...", or "I'm looking for.."
and on top of all that, he wasn't from the other side of the world. In fact, he's about 10-12 kms (7-8 miles) away,and I pass his place twice every week day!!

We had an ongoing, continuous flow of exchanges all the time till I returned from Noosa and then we met! How exciting! And meeting was as comfortable and pleasant as everything else had been up till that point. I could see EXACTLY where my thoughts and feelings correlated with this manifestation...and it made up a very lovely set of "NOWS"

ENTER ATTACHMENT...which generates resisitance through fear...so out comes the EFT arsenal again. This is a hard one for me...as it is for many I guess. trying to BE like it doesn't matter. not just act like it, but truly BE cool wiht having enjoyed NOWS without having to have a future NOW committed to.

Where the last lesson was release in some way, it was done through COMMITMENT. This one just feels like endless reminders to LET GO. once again, I'm just so "Over" having to deal with this. ENOUGH!, already.
So, I'll be heading off now to a session with Brad again, about being over having to deal with the same thing again, but I'll be substituting the relevant issue where he's talking about bills and debt. Borrow benefits.

A CONCLUDING NOTE

Deep within the heart of both these issues are the facets of self worth that allow me to receive that for which I dream.
I've already done EFT on that today, but this is an iintense.."I'M GETTING PAST ALL THIS NOW" indoctrination and immersion, so I just keep at it till I feel free.

Hope this beneficial for someone.
EFT truly is a knight in shining armour for me!