NOOSA JAZZ FESTIVAL-Another dream fuilfilled
This shot was one taken in the afternoon gig at the yacht club where everything is pretty casual.
ANd I think I was actually singing one of my Originals, Time To Fly-which happens to be the absolute theme of my life, at present.
This trip and all it encompassed kind of represented a type of "coming of age" for me. It's taken a fair chunk of time, and a lengthy process to get me back to the place where I really believe. "Believe what?" you may well ask, but basically, believe whatever I want, to be in my life and world. The fruition of the whole "gold sportscar' and personal alchemy of the soul. I had never 'given up', but had somewhere over the years, let the certainty go, so it ever remained distant. I made progress, but the dreams never came to ultimate fruition, just tastes and teases, coz I needed to grasp that commitment and certainty back again.
DECIDING WHAT YOU WANT
At the risk of sounding cliched, this is the beginning of everything.
Five years ago, I decided to commit to music in a new way. now, I never stopped singing or performing in all my years, but I kept going through cycles of success and ebbing success. The pattern became more and more painfully obvious, and I carried the same pattern into the speaking too. As soon as I started to do well, I'd slide.
Success came easily, sustaining it became impossible, because a part of me dug their heels in so deep to resist, 'success' and all the things I beleived it was going to turn me into...it was as if I was afraid I would become my Money Monster (see challenge#2).
And that same spiral struck in recent months BUT with a twist.
GOODBYE WILDERNESS
What I really committed to five years ago, was to live authentically in the area of my dreams, and not go for a lesser plan. I'd know that I'd chickened out, and I could never live with myself. I really committed to me. To living FULLY. This is when i wrote that song Time to Fly. I committed to taking the leap into space and to my own success, even if the people I knew would judge me...and I discovered that was a GREAT concern.
The crazy part is that whilst I was experiencing an increasing 'tightness' in my material world, and money seemingly repelled instead of attracted, I was gaining great momentum in online wealth, in the form of amazing connections and opportunities. I was seeing fantasic alliances coming forth out of my efforts to network, via energy first. really good,and incredibly exciting , and expansive stuff!! And my creativity with music has started blossom with fresh zeal and life.
My circumstances however, were looming gradually darker, and I was becoming so frustrated trying to understand how to change it.
A favourite quote kept coming to mind, that begins with this:
"Until one commits, there is hesitancy, a chance to turn back, always ineffectiveness..." ( from WH Murray, and the Himalayan Expedition) I KNEW in my deepest core that this was a key for me.
I decided it was time for another commitment. To get past this barrier to my own success once and for all. I had this image of the Universe doing everything possible to take me into success and abundance, my I was dragging the chain. I knew I was all the source of all resistance.
So I committed to getting rid of the resistance. I had bills closing in on me, and was starting to feel panic rise at the thought of spending money...not all the time, but enough indicators to know I needed to avert future hair loss through stress ( literally). I know the signs.
I was really pleased with the growth I had seen to date in feeling confident, but when that first twinge of guilt came over living the life I choose, the assurance also started to refelct accordingly, and it has been a steady application to get that back.
IT CAME WITH THE COMMITMENT.
And what made it possible for me to carry out and follow through on that commitment?
EFT
I can't make it BIG enough or BOLD enough. I committed to getting my vibration back into full alignment, and get my heels out of the sand. My life is a PERFECT reflection...this is the gift of every day. And such a gift!
INTENSE APPLICATION
That just means I did a lot of it. And I did it at every opportunity where I felt stray thoughts and unwelcome feelings come. I used Brad Yates U tube Videos, and I also used his two teleseminars that I have of him with Bob Doyle.
On top of that ,where needed, I did my own. I often do my own...but I was seriously targetting a trouble spot-
and that trouble spot shot back. The first day, I felt WORSE than before, but I know this doesn't mean it's not working, rather that this area on a deeper level, is being affected.
The second day was great...and every day since, has been great.
MY confidence and assurance that all will provided, returned. My comfortableness with performance and promotion came back. A way to deal with the as yet unchanged circumstances appeared. I could see differently, and felt excellent about it. A way was made.
Instead of panic, I had peace.
EFT got my heels out of the sand,and kept my head from going there. And it feels GOOD.
ANOTHER ASPECT
Along with all this , the desire to not be alone has been flaring up with raging intensity. It could be that I was looking for comfort or support or provision from someone, or just sheer relief/distraction. I got frustarted with myself over this too, declared once more in writing, what I want and let it go.
Mere days later, on the first day of Spring, I am met by a guy on MySpace, who DIDN"T say, "this is what I want...", or "I'm looking for.."
and on top of all that, he wasn't from the other side of the world. In fact, he's about 10-12 kms (7-8 miles) away,and I pass his place twice every week day!!
We had an ongoing, continuous flow of exchanges all the time till I returned from Noosa and then we met! How exciting! And meeting was as comfortable and pleasant as everything else had been up till that point. I could see EXACTLY where my thoughts and feelings correlated with this manifestation...and it made up a very lovely set of "NOWS"
ENTER ATTACHMENT...which generates resisitance through fear...so out comes the EFT arsenal again. This is a hard one for me...as it is for many I guess. trying to BE like it doesn't matter. not just act like it, but truly BE cool wiht having enjoyed NOWS without having to have a future NOW committed to.
Where the last lesson was release in some way, it was done through COMMITMENT. This one just feels like endless reminders to LET GO. once again, I'm just so "Over" having to deal with this. ENOUGH!, already.
So, I'll be heading off now to a session with Brad again, about being over having to deal with the same thing again, but I'll be substituting the relevant issue where he's talking about bills and debt. Borrow benefits.
A CONCLUDING NOTE
Deep within the heart of both these issues are the facets of self worth that allow me to receive that for which I dream.
I've already done EFT on that today, but this is an iintense.."I'M GETTING PAST ALL THIS NOW" indoctrination and immersion, so I just keep at it till I feel free.
Hope this beneficial for someone.
EFT truly is a knight in shining armour for me!
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