Weighty Matters

This was taken at Binna Burra-atop a neighbouring mountain, where I sang last week.
Just thought I'd share that, and this,

It was at this point, when Rachel and I got caught up in looking into the hollow "big Foot", where we were left behind...lost the guide and teh whole group that were walking with us! But Boy did we have fun!

My Daughter Rachel has a very special gift. She makes you laugh. Even when you're angry, and grumpy, and don't wanna laugh...you will. It is a VERY spiritually special gift!

More on Rachel another time...

So! Weight...and Body Image Issues.
Now, not everyone reading this will have body image issues the way that I have had, but if you have a weight condition that you're not happy with, somewhere, I suggest, you may find a lurking "SELF" image issue...adn they're not that different.

TWO LINES OF SEEING

ALL my life I've had two ways of viewing myself. Through the eyes of God/Source( as I understandhim/it),and through the eyes of MEN(as I understood themto be).
And I don't mean humanity-I mean MEN.
These views are about as different as contrary in their focus as they could be, in almost everyway.
Funnily enough both are concerned with
desirability
intimacy
beauty
value....
but where the first acknowledges all these from the eternal perspective of Love
the latter measured them from the transient view of superficial and physical layers.

EARLY INDOCTRINATING-setting the context

Early incidents helped me to learn these 'ways of seeing'. And I gues you could say the contrast provided for me, in my younger days created an INTENSE hunger in me to know the full and true versions of these more base experiences.

I found, in my conscious coonnection with God, all that I desired to find in an intimate relationship encounter with a man. I KNEW God adored me, coz I knew He saw the real me,and was always with me, in conscious connection for as far back as I remember. And I didn't need to change a thing to be perfect for him. IN feeling understood perfectly, I fetl LOVED utterly.

There was NO OTHER person, who came into my life, that stayed there. Everyone I loved was taken away from me, or I from them, at one point or another from the time I was 3. The only reason I mention these things, is coz I can see how they've contributed to my stepping into new levels of wanting to find a partner...and what has surfaced as a result.

GOLD SPORTSCAR-PERSONAL ALCHEMY

I mentioned once before, that I don't believe I am held back any more, by anything in my history. I still beleive this. I don't believe anything canstop me from fulfilling my intention, but in entering into "virgin" territory, things come up...they are not crippling, or fatal, but they do require addressing.

I see this year, as the first year of moving beyond my history. Beyond the level playing field that it took this long for me to get to. That's the GOLD-lesson complete. but in stepping on new ground, there's a TON of opportunities that present that give me the perfect platform to try out all my new healthy being!! :-)

PERSONAL SUCCESS-As in pertaining to BUSINESS/VOCATION

When I committed to this-several 'ideals' popped up for review almost instantly, in the form of having to take decisive action. These ideals were largely concerned with the 'judgment' and 'opinion' of others...or more,accurately, what I expected to encounter as those.

Basically, it came down to...do i wanna stay where I am, acceptable and approved in mixing with those I feel would judge me for choosing success, or do I want something different in my life?
I want something different.I committed COMPLETELY to something different.
From that point on, old viewpoints just came up and bowed out! That simply!!

Now, it might not look like I'm talking weight and body issues here, but for me these things are all tied into the same pivotal LIFE IMPACTING events i refer to earlier. So as one is addressed, the other reflects the same-they run parallel for me.

That's why in CHallenge #3, the Universe was able to address personal success through 'inspired INaction' on the body/weight issues. This time, it's been the other way round.

The outcome of the Success eventually leads to abundance in the form of material gain, the outcome of the other eventually leads to abundance in the form of deep lasting love with a partner. I already have extremely fantastic relationships of every other kind in my personal circle, but I've not managed to ever create my desire with a partner...saving the best for last...the icing for the cake! ;-)

TWO VIEWS REVISITED

So...with recent online and local network expansion I have grasped a far BETTER way of understanding my two viewpoints. Because of the increasing profile, I've started to experience, in larger amounts, the differetn types of attention both views bring...and this has brought UNSPEAKABLE FREEDOM, BLISSFUL JOY, AND INSIGHT INTO MUCH BETTER HANDLING.

Althought everything about me wanted to attract a partner/soul mate who'd love me like God does, I was still assessing myself from the view of MEN. I was still trying to be OUTWARDLY on their terms, what I knew was inside.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not slutty or immodest, or any such thing, but I was measuring my acceptability as a partner for the kind of man I DIDN'T WANT!

This was in the EXACT SAME WAY that I had been trying to be successful, by staying acceptable to what I thought the unsuccessful wanted.

...ALWAYS INEFFECTIVENESS...

God! this short phrase has enormous ache in it for me, but also knew it held a great key. I could feel the pain and comfort of rubbing a healing wound in these words from Murray's quote. I kept oscillating from one view to the other, attracting all the attention that I wanted, only for it leave, wordlessly, like people in my childhood...I could be so easily discarded and forgotten...( always conscious of getting exactly according to my vibration)
All the EFT I had started doing in getting into success, because I was so frustrated brought up and cleared the remaining stuff of the moment. I had one BIG BAD day, and from then, it's been GREAT.
But EFT on this latest experience just kept bringing up-anger, frustration, deep disappoinment...and then just plain HURT. When I hit the hurt phase, I was pretty shocked. I knew this wasn't about specific people in my life now...they were simply helping to unearth the way to change my vibration.

Once the hurt came up, and with it the intention to NEVER do this to myself again, so too, did the glorious insights that led me to understand why I had been and didn't need to any more. I an almost perfectly mirrored process to the 'success' in business situation, previous perspectives and choices came up, and fell away.

ALL THE TIME I KNOW AND COMPLETELY ACCEPT THAT ALL THAT IS IN MY LIFE IS THERE BY MY INVITATION. This gut opening conviction is the most wonderful, all empowering, heart swelling gift in my life.
If i could give anything to anyone it wold be this! If I have given anything to my children...it is this.

If I don't want it, it is as simple as withdrawing the invitation.
And all that takes is a COMMITTED decision to invite that which I DO want.

That decision will bring up ALL that has been in your way, in terms of vibrational discord.

My advice here: BE WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT

TO TIE IT ALL TOGETHER

So, as you may know, my weight has been slowly decreasing. Nothing miraculous, other than the fact, it has involved NO diets/regimes etc-merely intentional, conscious, vibrational alignment....and that journey has been fascinating.

BUT the joy that has come now is this: I have completely 'let go' of the conflicting view that was forever tethering me back to the place of LACK , in money and love.
I have seen that, in holding onto those desires for acceptance with those I didn't want, I was sacrficing the richness of what I really DID want.
I felt that I could 'lead' people out of one and into another...but it has to be done from BEING THERE. Leading by example...not by doing the same. I can't help anybody be or do anything, other than love completely and unconditionally, whilst stayong TRUE to my own authenticity. My fears made good use of this 'piouty'! lol

What is SOOOO good is reflected in this small blessing that comes when I get dressed in the morning, or pass a mirror, or a window. The sheer burden of constantly feeling that you must 'look' a certain way, that has been with my all my days, has lifted, I now I can float, knowing that the ones who 'care' about how I 'look' don't matter at all-COZ THEY'RE NOT THE ONES I WANT TO ATTRACT. The ones who I felt judged me by their own sabotaging perceptions don't matter-COZ THEY'RE NOT THE ONES I WANT IN MY WORLD EITHER.

I've spent my life trying to get the acclaim and attention of the ones I don't want!
NOT ONLY THAT...and here's the clincher!!! I GOT IT!-but it led to misery. COZ IT WASN'T THE TYPE OF ATTENTION I WANTED. IT was the type I thought I had to have in order to be happy, acceptable, desirable and valued. but it did the opposite, coz it wasn't based on who I AM.

LAYERS OPENING LIKE A BLOSSOMING FLOWER

Over the years, I've degrees of freedom, and being more comfortable wiht myself and my body. I loved and appreciated it's health and youthful vitality. But have been so harsh on myself about it from that perspective. This conflict is no more. I so love my body..like I love God. I so cherish it as the magnificent masterpiece that it is, and I only care to attract others who think likewise...and that is from within, not without.

Due to the depth of contrast in my life, I have come to a place of extreme and deep acceptance. I understand the two views now, as one that comes with the "public profile" and the one that is the "private person". They're not 'good' or 'bad', but fit in different places of appropriate priority for me. I had them all mixed up together, and was doling priority to the 'public' that should only ever be given to the private, whose regard for me, is love, not gain.
This gives me one harmonious, integrated view
BLISS

I have found the blissful place of NOT CARING-in the healthiest possible way.
It's been a dream of mine to go to the beach and not have a single thought of what anyone would think of how I look...good or bad. I know now, that even when what I hear is 'good', it is still entrapment for me. I've had years of being told the 'good' and still felt BAD. In wanting to hear the 'good' I was asking to for the quality of attention I DIDN"T want...to things external.

I remember the freedom I felt, when fell in love with God afresh, and realised for the first time, that I had gone 20 WHOLE MINUTES without thinking of food! I called that conscious connection my "healthiest preoccupation".
The warning bells of obsession that sound loudly and EARLY in my being whenever I find myself not able to CONTROL my thinking, are the outcome of having lived through addictions and nervous breakdowns and baldness and so many fears.

Degrees of freedom are wonderful, each layer an entry into heaven itself...but on going depth of freedom in to ever increasing glory is not to missed!

I have never been MISERABLE through out all of this. I am FASCINATED by it all! I'm highlighting the points that mark contrast, and bring the upheaval of matters. And I do this, so you, the reader, can appreciate the level of liberty that can be known. The more bound I've been, the more phenomenally FREE I am become!

If you have EVER felt SO bound, constricted, frustrated...you name it-then the level of the contrast sets the experience of the greater outcome...it's Time To Fly.
I used to have nightmares of being pregnant in a cave and not being to get out due to the swelling belly. As years went by, the dreams started to change and I coud give brith,and then get out, with my baby...if I had to...
Or i'd find a way out, and I'd be free.

"The greatest tragedy of my life, was the idea that I would leave this planet with my song unsung and my vision still in my belly...buried alive." THIS HAS SPURRED ME ON THRU EVERYTHING. I once said "Im' not waiting for someone else to discover me! I'm gonna dig myself up!" and that's what I've been doing.

Having come out of the cave, the only thing I want to do is LIVE, and breathe fire on that same intention for anyone else who doesn't want to be buried alive, but wants to live in the light.

BOTTOM LINE

I am no longer vibrating on the frequency that will attract lovers of a superficial nature. I know I will encounter people of the "public perspective', more and more as my dreams come to fuller fruition, and I know how to filter that attention appropriately and not have any attachment to it-keeping that frequency where I want it.

Now, I know and expect the kind of attention I really want, and that will be fulfilment for me AND my partner, and joy to my family, especially my babies, who have longed to see me content in a partnership.

I hope this brings even a fraction of my great pleasure in it, to you.
be Severely BLESSED!

lisa

Glenn's Song

Song Lyrics following:
I found out what
I’ve been missing
All this time been thinking I had to
Go it alone

Then I saw you and a
Kind of reminiscing
Filled my heart with knowing that I
had you here
all along

Chorus:
That’s when I saw you as my family
Found you as my friends
Strength through our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel this loneliness again
Verse 2
Time after time, after
Being last in line
I thought I had to find, a way to
Rely on myself

But I reached out and found
There’s oh so many around
And to my heart they bound, to be there
Whenever I call.........for Help
Chorus:
That’s when I found you as family
Found you as my friends
Strength in our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel this loneliness again

BRIDGE
One tribe, one in unity
What could ever break these bonds we know?
One heart, a heart that can’t be broken
Coz we are family
We are true friends
Strength through our community never ends....
Never ends. (key change)

One voice, one in energy
What could ever break these bonds we know?
One heart, a heart that can’t be broken
Coz we are family
And we are true friends
Strength through our community never ends
We are connected, your win is my gain
I’ll never feel that loneliness again.

EFT-My Faithful Knight

NOOSA JAZZ FESTIVAL-Another dream fuilfilled

This shot was one taken in the afternoon gig at the yacht club where everything is pretty casual.
ANd I think I was actually singing one of my Originals, Time To Fly-which happens to be the absolute theme of my life, at present.

This trip and all it encompassed kind of represented a type of "coming of age" for me. It's taken a fair chunk of time, and a lengthy process to get me back to the place where I really believe. "Believe what?" you may well ask, but basically, believe whatever I want, to be in my life and world. The fruition of the whole "gold sportscar' and personal alchemy of the soul. I had never 'given up', but had somewhere over the years, let the certainty go, so it ever remained distant. I made progress, but the dreams never came to ultimate fruition, just tastes and teases, coz I needed to grasp that commitment and certainty back again.

DECIDING WHAT YOU WANT

At the risk of sounding cliched, this is the beginning of everything.
Five years ago, I decided to commit to music in a new way. now, I never stopped singing or performing in all my years, but I kept going through cycles of success and ebbing success. The pattern became more and more painfully obvious, and I carried the same pattern into the speaking too. As soon as I started to do well, I'd slide.

Success came easily, sustaining it became impossible, because a part of me dug their heels in so deep to resist, 'success' and all the things I beleived it was going to turn me into...it was as if I was afraid I would become my Money Monster (see challenge#2).

And that same spiral struck in recent months BUT with a twist.

GOODBYE WILDERNESS

What I really committed to five years ago, was to live authentically in the area of my dreams, and not go for a lesser plan. I'd know that I'd chickened out, and I could never live with myself. I really committed to me. To living FULLY. This is when i wrote that song Time to Fly. I committed to taking the leap into space and to my own success, even if the people I knew would judge me...and I discovered that was a GREAT concern.

The crazy part is that whilst I was experiencing an increasing 'tightness' in my material world, and money seemingly repelled instead of attracted, I was gaining great momentum in online wealth, in the form of amazing connections and opportunities. I was seeing fantasic alliances coming forth out of my efforts to network, via energy first. really good,and incredibly exciting , and expansive stuff!! And my creativity with music has started blossom with fresh zeal and life.

My circumstances however, were looming gradually darker, and I was becoming so frustrated trying to understand how to change it.
A favourite quote kept coming to mind, that begins with this:
"Until one commits, there is hesitancy, a chance to turn back, always ineffectiveness..." ( from WH Murray, and the Himalayan Expedition) I KNEW in my deepest core that this was a key for me.

I decided it was time for another commitment. To get past this barrier to my own success once and for all. I had this image of the Universe doing everything possible to take me into success and abundance, my I was dragging the chain. I knew I was all the source of all resistance.

So I committed to getting rid of the resistance. I had bills closing in on me, and was starting to feel panic rise at the thought of spending money...not all the time, but enough indicators to know I needed to avert future hair loss through stress ( literally). I know the signs.

I was really pleased with the growth I had seen to date in feeling confident, but when that first twinge of guilt came over living the life I choose, the assurance also started to refelct accordingly, and it has been a steady application to get that back.

IT CAME WITH THE COMMITMENT.
And what made it possible for me to carry out and follow through on that commitment?
EFT

I can't make it BIG enough or BOLD enough. I committed to getting my vibration back into full alignment, and get my heels out of the sand. My life is a PERFECT reflection...this is the gift of every day. And such a gift!

INTENSE APPLICATION

That just means I did a lot of it. And I did it at every opportunity where I felt stray thoughts and unwelcome feelings come. I used Brad Yates U tube Videos, and I also used his two teleseminars that I have of him with Bob Doyle.

On top of that ,where needed, I did my own. I often do my own...but I was seriously targetting a trouble spot-
and that trouble spot shot back. The first day, I felt WORSE than before, but I know this doesn't mean it's not working, rather that this area on a deeper level, is being affected.

The second day was great...and every day since, has been great.

MY confidence and assurance that all will provided, returned. My comfortableness with performance and promotion came back. A way to deal with the as yet unchanged circumstances appeared. I could see differently, and felt excellent about it. A way was made.
Instead of panic, I had peace.

EFT got my heels out of the sand,and kept my head from going there. And it feels GOOD.

ANOTHER ASPECT

Along with all this , the desire to not be alone has been flaring up with raging intensity. It could be that I was looking for comfort or support or provision from someone, or just sheer relief/distraction. I got frustarted with myself over this too, declared once more in writing, what I want and let it go.

Mere days later, on the first day of Spring, I am met by a guy on MySpace, who DIDN"T say, "this is what I want...", or "I'm looking for.."
and on top of all that, he wasn't from the other side of the world. In fact, he's about 10-12 kms (7-8 miles) away,and I pass his place twice every week day!!

We had an ongoing, continuous flow of exchanges all the time till I returned from Noosa and then we met! How exciting! And meeting was as comfortable and pleasant as everything else had been up till that point. I could see EXACTLY where my thoughts and feelings correlated with this manifestation...and it made up a very lovely set of "NOWS"

ENTER ATTACHMENT...which generates resisitance through fear...so out comes the EFT arsenal again. This is a hard one for me...as it is for many I guess. trying to BE like it doesn't matter. not just act like it, but truly BE cool wiht having enjoyed NOWS without having to have a future NOW committed to.

Where the last lesson was release in some way, it was done through COMMITMENT. This one just feels like endless reminders to LET GO. once again, I'm just so "Over" having to deal with this. ENOUGH!, already.
So, I'll be heading off now to a session with Brad again, about being over having to deal with the same thing again, but I'll be substituting the relevant issue where he's talking about bills and debt. Borrow benefits.

A CONCLUDING NOTE

Deep within the heart of both these issues are the facets of self worth that allow me to receive that for which I dream.
I've already done EFT on that today, but this is an iintense.."I'M GETTING PAST ALL THIS NOW" indoctrination and immersion, so I just keep at it till I feel free.

Hope this beneficial for someone.
EFT truly is a knight in shining armour for me!